mixtape '94

therapy

the song of this chapter is: therapy - all time low

It happened again. I thought it would get better but it didn't. It's always like this. As soon as I start to feel better, something happens and everything falls apart. It's a cycle. I know how it starts and how it ends.

You could say I'm used to it. I'm used to be treated like shit, but it still hurts.

It was about 12pm when I left my apartment.
It was cold, I liked how the fresh breeze made contact with my skin. I decided not to wear a jacket.

I liked the city at night. It is calm and peaceful. You can hear the sirens of the ambulances, or the sound the taxis make when they drive too fast.

I shivered. The only thing I was wearing was black jeans and a white shirt. My long hair was trying to hide the sunglasses I was wearing. Yes, I know its weird, but there's a reason why I'm wearing them.

The park its about 9 blocks away from my apartment. That's why I liked it so much. Whenever something like this happened, I could just walk there and sit in the ground while I listen to music.

When I was about 7 blocks away from my apartment, I took out a cigarette and lit it. I have the bad habit of smoking. Everybody tells me I'm too young to smoke. The truth is I do not care. I smoke about 5 cigarettes a day, so I guess it's too late for me to stop.

After a long time of walking, I arrived at the park. I walked around, inhaling the cold mist in the air. I was tired, so damn tired. Why is it always like this ? What am I doing wrong ? I asked myself while I walked to the spot I usually sit. There are benches in the park, but I like sitting in the grass. It took me a moment to realize I was not alone.

In the exact same spot I was sitting one week ago, there was the exact same guy. He was listening to music, tapping on his knees with a cool beat. I stood in front of him and then he looked up. A smile was drew on his face.

"Oh I didn't see you there." He unplugged his earphones.

"What are you doing here ?" I didn't mean to sound rude.

"I've been comming lately, waiting for you." What ? He came because of me?

"How did you know I'd come again ?" I sat next to him.

"I had a feeling. It seemed like you came here often." He smirked.

"Wait, so you came here for the past 5 days, expecting me to come again ?"

"Yes." He replied plain and simple. "Wow." I sighed. I wasn't sure how to feel. "You look surprised." He starred at me."Well, I am." It just seemed weird for me to get attention from someone. The guys from my school never showed interest in me.

He looked at me again. "Aren't you cold ? You are just wearing a shirt." He took off his jacket.

"I'm good." I knew what was gonna happen next. "Here." He handed me his jacket. I hesitated before taking it and puting it on.
"Thanks." He glanced at me one more time.

"Why are you wearing sunglasses?" He finally asked. I knew he was curious about it because he wouldn't stop looking at them. "It's nothing." God I didn't want him to notice.

"You can trust me. Don't worry I am a trustworthy person I swear." He put his hands on the air.

"It's nothing, I'm a weird person." I was avoiding the fact I looked incredibly stupid. Who wears sunglasses at 12pm? Yeah, just me.

"C'mon tell me, I'm not gonna judge you. You look pretty good actually, those sunglasses suit your outfit." We both knew it was weird, he was just trying to be nice, it was helping my self-esteem. "I like wearing sunglasses at night." I lied.

He frowned. Of course he wouldn't buy that. He looked away for a moment and then with no warning, he took the sunglasses away from my face, revealing the big purple bruise in my left eye.

I could see concern in his eyes. I really didn't want him to see it.

"Who did this to you ?" He said with a sad tone. "I fell." I lied again.

"You obiously didn't fall. Look at that." His hand was now in my face. He gently rubbed his thumb against the bruise in my eye. Somehow, I felt save. I felt protected.

"It doesn't matter, don't worry I'm okay." I tried to crack a smile. "And, you haven't told me your name you stranger." I tried to lighten the mood.

"Oh sorry. I'm Ashton." He gave me an ear-to-ear smile, showing his dimples.

"I'm Samantha, but you can call me Sam." We both looked at each other, not sure of what to say next.

"What were you listening?" I asked, breaking the silence between us. "Therapy, by All Time Low." He gave me his right earphone so I could listen to the song.

"I listen to this song whenever I'm sad." I said after the chorus started.

"You know this song?" His face was full of excitement. Apparently music was something that we both had in common.

"Sure I do." I smiled. I was glad someone could finally listen to the same music I do. People from my school just listen to the typical music that plays in the radio 24/7. Songs that are popular for a time, but then no one remembers. I haven't find anyone that shared an interest in music before.

I took out of my pocket a pack of cigarettes. "Do you want one ?" I offered him. When I come to the park I always do the same routine. Cry, smoke, music. It's normal for me, I guess this time I'll save the crying for later.

"Yea sure." He took one and I lit mine, then I lit his. This was nice. After all , I was having a good time. "Aren't you too young to smoke ?" He let out a nice amount of smoke from his mouth.

"I'm seventeen ." I raised my brows. "What about you ?" I continued.

"I'm twenty ."He whispered, like if it was a secret. He looked younger. I thought he was nineteen or eighteen.

"So you are not done with highschool yet." He seemed to be proud about him getting over highschool.

"Sadly. Highschool is bullshit." I was being honest. There was nothing good about it. Just a bunch of kids that bullied each other with no reason. Not caring about their future, but their reputation. I was different. I cared about my grades. I actually cared.
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its 2am and idc if i have typos

next chapter will be interesting
goodbye im tired