do i love you? (conner x reader)

chapter 5: gone

A/n: three chapters in one day. Who am a? A God? No i just enjoy writing these because of you guys, you make me so happy. Like i love to know that people out there like my work. It warms my heart. So thankyou for everything. Im really happy.

-summer

[ah yes, vee's a god for writing three parts that are like 2k words all together, smh]

"C-conner, where are you?" I shouted after searching the whole house. I crash to the floor crying. Hank had gone to tell everyone at the DPD that conner had gone missing. It had been three days since his disappearance and i couldn't handle it. What if he had been killed. What if he left because of me. What if he hated me. These thoughts circled in my head like some sort of carousel. I miss him. I need him here. He is the only one that stops my suicidal thoughts. He makes me happy. I should have just shot myself after i was attacked by deviants in the ally. It would have been a lot better. No one would miss me. I shot the deviants and had the gun placed under my head ready to shoot, but conner showed up and i didn't want to fire. Im happy when im around him. I always am. I have had depression for 11 years but only my mum knew. I trusted her with everything. She was my best friend. I look up as hank walked through the door. I lay there crying hysterically. Hank staring at me, doing nothing. I stand up and run to the bathroom. I lock the door and pull out my gun and place it on my temple ready to fire it. The doorbell rings and hank opens the door. "Hank, conner has been found, he was asleep on the sidewalk 50 blocks away from the DPD." The man explained. I lowered my gun, unlocked the door and ran downstairs. I pull hank out of the house, "detective, watch the house will ya." I say running to hanks car gun in hand. "Sure, conner is outside the art store." He answered. Hank drives to the only art store in Detroit. When we arrive i get out and run up to him. "Conner, why did you run away." I say as he sits up. Hank still in the car. "I-i thought hank would want to spend time with you more than me, and that you liked sumo more." He muttered. I laugh. He looks at me confused and i lean forward and kiss him. I pull away, "conner, i love you way more than sumo, he may be our dog but i love you so much more." I say playing with his hair. He kisses me passionately. He starts to play with my hair and i pull away. I yawn and rest my head on conner. He picks me up and carries me to hanks car. Once he places me in the car he goes and grabs our bags. He opens mine and spots the gun. being close to sleep i didnt really talk. "Hank, did you know she had a gun with her, it says 'Y/Ns suicide gun' On the side." He said.

(Time skoooop, heh)

I wake up on my bed with sumo curled up next to me and my bag on the floor. I reach over to get my gun out but it had gone. I lay back worried conner had found it. "Connie, can you get me a glass of water please." I shout. No answer. "Hank?" I shout. No answer. I get up and walk downstairs. The front door was left wide open. No one was here. I call the DPD to see if they are there. "Hello, this is detective Anderson, i was calling to see if hank and conner are there....oh ok.....our front door was left wide open but Nothing was taken...ok thank you." I say and i hang up. "Sumo, come here boy,"i shout as sumo runs down the stairs, "lets get you fed and then we can walk to the DPD." I pull out the dog food and pour it into sumo's bowl and then i fill up his water bowl. Once sumo had finished i grabbed his leash and my keys. I attached the leash to sumo's collar and left locking the door behind us. We walk to the DPD. Once we arrive i walk in and let sumo off his leash. I walk over to hanks desk to find a note addressed to me.

Dear Y/N,
I hope you dont mind looking after sumo for a while. He needs your company. Conner and i have some important buisness to handle i didnt want you to he worried so i left this note. Conner said he loves you, i love you Y/N, as a daughter and a friend. Please dont come looking for us as we are not in trouble we will be home as soon as possible i promise you. Darci was taken back and you can have the house as long as you keep it clean. Tell sumo that i love him and i will see him soon. We wont be gone too long, i hope, oh and your gun, its in the evidence room i thought you would want to know that. But please dont kill yourself, i need you, conner needs you, sumo needs you but most importantly, you need you, stay strong Y/N.
From dad and conner.

My heart sank, what was i supposed to do now. I know where my gun is but i cant use it. Sumo ran up to me and sat next to me. "Y/N, your dog is so annoying please put it on its leash." Gavin, my ex, said. I laugh, "how about you get me my suicide gun and ill get out your way." I answered. He looked confused. "Y-you want to die Y/N, i-" he said as i cut him of. "Just go and get it from the evidence room, now." I say placing my hand on his waist and spinning him around. He walked towards the evidence room and looked back at me sitting in hanks chair with the note. When he came back he noticed me crying. "Y/N, whats up?" He asked putting his arm on my shoulder. "I wanna die, without him i feel empty i wanna die so bad." I said holding my sleave. Gavin held my hand and pulled it down. "Y/N, why would you do that, i want you to be happy." He said. I pushed him back and pulled my sleave down again. "I did it because my mum died,"i shouted standing up, "i did it because of you, i did it because of conner, i did it because of hank, i did it because i-i feel empty." I fall to the floor crying, not thinking about what i just did. Gavin sits next to me and holds my hand. "Y/N, i only want you to be happy, i didnt want this to happen." He muttered. I looked up and pulled my hand away. I slowly stood up and sat at hanks desk crying. "Gavin, what the fuck did you do." A familiar voice shouted at the still sitting gavin. "D-dad, i h-have to t-tell you s-somet-thing." I say standing up. I walk over to him and pull up my sleave. Hank placed his hand on my cheak and wiped away my tears. "Y/N, no matter what you look like or what you think, i will always love you." He said, he pulled me into a hug and i cried into his shoulder. I look up to see conner stood in the doorway. I pull away from hank and run towards him. "Hey conner, dont hate me but i kinda-" i said, being cut off. Conners soft lips touched mine. "Conners a deviant." Shouted gavin. He walked towards us but hank stood in the way. "You wanna make my daughter kill herself or do you wanna let her be happy, if you wanna kill conner youll have to go through me first." He said, gavin pulled his gun out, i pulled away from conner and grabbed my gun from hanks desk and aim it at my temple  "make your choice gavin, kill him and me or put your gun down," I shout, " you see shooting hank is only gunna let me kill myself and whos fault will that be, who will get arrested for it." Gavin slowly lowered his gun and i aimed at him. "Gavin slide your gun to Y/N." Hank ordered. Gavin followed his command. Confused i picked up the gun and threw it to conner, giving hank mine. "Im sorry, i just-" gavin said. "Save it." I said grabbing some cuffs. "Gavin, you are under arrest for attempted murder of hank anderson, Y/N anderson and conner please put your hands where i can see them." I say. I walk over and cuff him. They took him away as conner, hank and i made our way to the car. "Guys, go on ill catch up." I say walking towards the police car with gavin in. "Can i speak to him inside the car?" I ask. I sit in the car and they shut the doors. "So gavin, i guess you will want this," i say i lean in making him think i will kiss him but instead i slap him, "thats what you deserve for attempting to shoot my dad but for real." I lean in and kiss him lightly. I pull away and get out of the car. I look back and smile at gavin. "Goodbye gavin, ill see you soon." I whisper. I walk over to hanks car and get in the back seat. "Ready for our new case Y/N?" Hank asks. "Ready as ever dad." I answer.

[oh boy. i really had some issues. 1) why tf did i add the whole depression thing into this, idek what its like to have depression so why would i make my characters have it + 2) if you are struggling with depression or any sort of mental health issues, my dms (whether its here, or on twitter (@ valshiifts)) are always open, please reach out to people if you need the help whether its strangers on the internet (like me) or a professional. please don't hurt yourself, I promise it will get better, it may not get better right away but it will. Please dont try and take your own life, i promise you, you are worthy of everything that the universe can offer. people will miss you if you do take your own life, you may think that they wont, but i know they will. their world will stop if you try to take your life. and even though we dont know each other, just know, i love you and im so proud of you you are an amazing person and i wish that you could see that, i wish that other people could see that about you. I know you may not believe me, put i promise i'm telling the truth, i think that if we were to know each other, i would love you even more than i already do.]