How to Love (un-finished)

Chapter 11

Picture is Maya, the new puppy.

I woke up after a couple hours, Jake was still passed out next to me. I slowly slid out from underneath his arm and got up. I looked at the time, it was noon. I went downstairs and Maddi was in the living room on her laptop.

“Hey Maddi” I said, sitting next to her on the couch.

“How are you feeling” she said, placing her laptop on the coffee table.

“Fine, I guess” I answered.

“You missed Shawn bringing the puppy home” she started.

“The puppy! Oh my gosh I almost forgot. Where is she?” I asked.

“She is with Shawn at work, since it can’t be left home alone yet” my face fell. I really wanted to meet my puppy. Shawn already told me her name is Maya and I thought that was adorable.

“We do need to talk about something else though” Maddi now had a serious tone.

“What is it?” I asked curiously.

“It’s about Jake. Danielle, he really cares about you. When I say really I mean he refused to leave you at the hospital. He carried you when you didn’t need carried. He has been the person putting a smile on your face every day. I just wanted to make sure you knew that.”

Wow, I thought. Is what she saying really true? I didn’t even know he refused to leave the hospital. I did over hear him telling his dad how much he cared about me, but I thought he was just a really good friend. Now, after the kiss, I think it may be more than that. I think I’m falling for him. I don’t know what to do.

“Danielle, are you okay?” Maddi asked, waving her hand in front of my face.

“Yeah, I just was thinking” I replied, still slightly lost in my thoughts.

“Okay, and when you go upstairs, tell Jake his parents want him home at 4 when they get off of work” Maddi told me before pulling her laptop back onto her lap.

“Wait, where is Ariana?” I asked.

“Her mom took her to a babysitter until you are feeling up to watching her again” Maddi replied. After what happened yesterday I would have thought Stacy wouldn’t have let me babysit anymore. Then again, she doesn’t know the reason why I passed out. Only Jake and I knew that and I planned to keep it that way for a little while.

I decided to go upstairs and get a shower. Jake was still asleep so I tried to be really quiet getting an outfit and going to my bathroom. I put on a black oversized hoodie and some floral leggings. I decided to put my hair up in a messy bun because I didn’t feel like doing anything too much to it. I would probably just relax around the house all day any way.

Jake was still asleep when I went into my room, but I decided to wake him up because we really needed to talk.

“Jake” I hopped onto my bed.

“Jake, wakey wakey” I said.

“I don’t wanna” he grumbled.

“I really don’t care” I said back.

“Fine what do you want” he rolled over to face me.

“We still need to talk about the kiss” I was feeling a little nervous about talking about it.

“I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to forget it happened. I don’t regret kissing you, other than the fact that you passed out. I wanted to kiss you. It’s your choice what you do with that information.” Jake replied.

“Jake, I really do like you, but I’m not ready for a relationship.” I stated. Jake grabbed my hand. 

“I understand. I’m not forcing you to do anything. I just want you to be happy.” Jake said.

The thing is, I am happy with Jake. I do want to be with him. I'm just scared, scared of being hurt, scared of losing him. I decided I'm just going to give it some more time. I don’t know how much more time, but I need to think about this more.

“Dani, are you okay” Jake asked, looking concerned.

“Yeah, I'm fine” I said, snapping out of my thoughts.

“I wanted to remind you that the party is tomorrow night if you still would like to go with me.” Jake reminded me.

“Yeah, I will go. Pick me up tomorrow outside. Your parents want you home in an hour, by the way.” I stated.

“Ugh” he moaned “of course they do. I better head over then. See ya, Dani.”

“See ya tomorrow Jakey” he smiled back at me before going home.

Jake POV

What was I supposed to say? Of course I want to be with Dani. I think I might even be in love with her. But, she isn’t ready and I respect that. I honestly just hope it doesn’t affect our friendship. I don’t want what we had to be gone because of one stupid, amazing, kiss.

Why does everything have to be so difficult? Why can’t everything work out exactly how we want it to go? 

My thoughts were racing. I was upset, not only in myself for being so selfish, but the fact that I wanted to be with Dani. I want to be by her side every day. I want to be able to kiss her whenever I want to, just to show others that she is mine. I want to tell her I love her without her thinking its only friendly. I wanted her.

This is so frustrating, I just want to scream. It’s not like I could actually talk to anybody about this. It’s pretty clear Dani doesn’t want people to know about the kiss.

 I had gotten to the point that I was angry at myself for feeling this way about Dani. I threw my alarm clock across the room. It hit the wall and shattered into a million pieces. Next thing I knew my mom was in my room, yelling at me.

“Jakob Mason Reynold, why in the hell did you do that?” my mom screamed. Shit, she used my full name, now I know it’s bad.

I stayed silent while my mom rambled on and on about everything I did wrong since we moved here. Getting into a fight, getting suspended, leaving the house when I wasn’t allowed to, and now destroying property, as I mom said it. She was right, I have done a lot of crap since I have gotten here. It’s no different from where we used to live, except here I have more of a reason.

At my old school I would get into at least 2 fist fights a year, just because I wanted to. I would sneak out every weekend, just for the thrill of leaving. But, here, I had a reason. I got into a fight with Austin because of what he did to Dani. I left when I wasn’t supposed to because Dani needed me. I threw my alarm clock against the wall because I don’t know how to keep my feelings for Dani hidden anymore.

I'm not saying I'm mad at Dani. She had makes me happy. I'm glad I have her. I just wish she saw what I see. I just wish she felt the same way I feel towards her.

I felt my mom rubbing my back. Wait, am I crying.

Then I realized, I had just told my mom everything. I told her about my feelings towards Dani. I told her about the kiss. This is bad, Dani didn’t want anybody to know.

Then I fell asleep. I guess its tiring to bawl to your mom about the girl you’re in love with for an hour.