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Trigger warnings

I'm not doing okay .
I'm just being honest with myself.
I'm not doing okay .

I was released from the hospital a few days ago . Now I'm back in my small room in the servant house. I had been excused from all me usual work until I feel better . I don't think I will ever feel better .

Suddenly I felt suffocated. The word spread about what happened. All the pack members seemed on high alert . Offering sad pitied glances once they looked at me . Bringing me food and flowers.

I didn't care for them

Jonah and Odette left shortly after their ceremony. It took place some days ago I presumed. I bet they're in love with each other . She is the better pick , who would want me ? I'm unattractive after all.

The pain tightened around my heart as heavy tears escaped.

I looked at my arms , the men left there prints on my body everywhere. Small bruises were everywhere. I was disgusted with myself and it was unbearable.

I took a jagged breath as dark thoughts clouded my mind. It's not getting better for me. I was waiting to see if it was . I was tired of looking for a rainbow in a raining sky . The storms never past.

Everyone would be happier wouldn't they ? My mate wouldn't care. My mother wouldn't care or my father . They gave me away after all . They're ashamed . The omegas never truly liked me or cared to know me . I don't even know me .
Suddenly my mind was made up .

I began bouncing my leg nervously taking another jagged breath .

I took small careful steps to this small dresser in the corner of my room collecting dust .

I grabbed a two stiff sheets of paper. I decided writing a letter to Jonah .

Dear Jonah

I'm sorry to take up time I don't deserve. I know you didn't want me as a mate or Luna . This letter isn't me begging you to take me back . I don't think you would anyway . I think me being born was a sick joke like you said I don't have no purpose . I don't think I would've been a good Luna anyway . My full name is Esmee Flora Ball. My family decided they didn't want me when I was little . So they kept me isolated until they sent me to the omegas. Alpha is my father and the Luna is my mother , Odette is my older sister. She's beautiful I hope she's nice to you deserve someone nice . I just wanted to tell you that , I know you don't care. Sorry again for bothering you , you don't have to worry about that anymore

Sincerely your unattractive mate

I had more I want to say but the longer I was here the more pain I was in .

I looked at my pain medicine Claire prescribed . It was at least twenty pills , it should get the job done .

I grabbed the bottle my hands trembled as I opened up the bottle. I poured the pills inside my hand and sat down on my small bed . I stared at it intently tears running heavily down my cheeks.

I grabbed the cup of water that's been sitting for days . I put as many I could fit in my mouth . I swallowed them on down . I grabbed the other half swallowing them down .

My body trembled as I sat the now empty medicine bottle down . I laid back on my bed pulling the covers over my body .

My eyes began to close as I took in my surroundings for the last time . Alone. I stared up at the ceiling pretending it was the night sky . I daydream, for one last time .

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