Unsent Letters

Jealousy

I hate how I get jealous every single time I see someone who have the things I wanted to have and wanted to be. I keep on going over and over on that one single thought as to why can't I wish for something and get it exactly how I wished it to be. Why must I go through disappointment after disappointment. And the most cruel thing is, I know that I shouldn't be feeling this way but I still fcking do because I'm just a lonely jealous person who can't seem to be contented to whatever things they have and wished to get more worldly things and can't seem to get enough of it. I keep on thinking as to why am I like this? Why can't I be and understanding person that the world needs? Why must I be an addition to negative forces in this goddamn earth?! Are my works of good deeds not enough? Do I still need to force a smile whenever I encounter something I dislike? Will I force to do things for the comfort of others?

Why can't they do the same? It hurts, to keep all these negative thoughts in my head because I don't want to be seen as somebody who spouts negativity from its mouth, I want to be someone who reconsiders others feelings. Someone who thinks the welfare of others and cares for them. I needed someone who understands me despite of being broken. But, how could I even do that? The world doesn't seem to care for what I feel. They always brush me of thinking I'm a pushover, they underestimate me and think of me as an unworthy person. Why must people be so selfish without feeling guilt? How could they even...