For A Reason

Chapter 12: A Crack in the Ice Wall

My weekend is spent thinking about Vanessa. Her lips. Her smile. Her beauty mark just above the left side of her mouth. Her melodious laugh. Her confidence. Everything. I think about the way her hand felt on top of mine. I think about the way she looked as she leaned in to kiss me...

I stand in my apartment, near the wide window in the living room, staring out at the golden sunrise. The Sunday morning traffic moves at a hushed pace below me, only a car or two whooshing by every now and then.

With the steam of the hot coffee rising into the chilly air of my stone apartment, I raise my mug to my mouth to take a careful sip. The beverage burns my tongue, but I welcome the pain, wanting something, anything, to numb the deep-rooted feelings I've developed for Vanessa Harrison.

The problem is that I just can't stay away from her. I know I should, and I know I need to, but I just don't want to.

I'm trying to stay away from her, really I am, but she just keeps cropping up everywhere. First the store and now the club; out of all of the nightclubs in Atlanta they could have went to, of course we ended up at the same one.

Our night ended terribly. I could see the disappointment Vanessa carried for her own actions. I never wanted her to feel that way, but I couldn't let it get out of hand.

She is married, for Christ's sake.

After she'd tried to kiss me, it took everything I had not to grab her by the back of her neck, and shove my tongue down her throat.

I want to know what she tastes like...every inch of her.

Enough, Christopher. I tell myself as I shake my head, forcing the image of her biting down on her lip from my mind.

I could call her...

The thought sends a shiver down my spine.

I swore I would never speak to her again, — a "clean break" is what we called it, although it was far from that. Plus, it's been years since we've spoken. I'm pretty sure she hates my guts, but I desperately need a distraction from the invading thoughts of Vanessa.

Walking over to the sofa, I pull my cellphone from my jean pocket and scroll through my saved contacts.

The letter D hovers at the top of the list of names, the bold, Sans serif stroke almost daring me to call her.

Taking a deep breath, and gulping back the saliva that's accumulated in my mouth, I tap on her name while taking a seat on the leather sectional.

It rings. And rings. And rings.

And just when I think there will be no answer, she picks up.

"Chris?" Her voice is surprised to hear from me.

"Hi Dawn," I smile through the phone. "It's been awhile."

***

Dawn Russell sits on a barstool at my kitchen island, her fingers clasping a stir stick as she concentrates on mixing the cream into her coffee. After what seems to be the longest silence I've ever endured, she finally looks me in the eye, hers full of hope and possibility.

"I didn't think you'd ever want to speak to me again," she says blatantly as she takes a small sip from her cup.

She looks different. A good different, like our time apart has changed her. Her hair is short now, compared to the long, blonde locks she used to have; it stops just below her collarbone. Her appearance has changed as well. Instead of her usual black painted fingernails and grungy band tees she used to flaunt back in our mid-twenties, her style has matured a little. Her brown, cropped sweater comes just above her high-waisted jean skirt, but she still sports her all-black Doc Martens.

"All water under the bridge, Dee."

She looks at me, her cold, blue eyes warming just a little. After raking a hand through her hair, she takes a deep breath and then exhales.

"I wish it were that easy..." she mutters under her breath. She's looking down at her mug again, absentmindedly tracing her thumb around the rim.

The past comes crashing down on me all at once. Flashes of her smile, her naked body, the curve of her swollen belly as we lie in bed together...

I knew it wasn't a good idea to call her. I should ask her to leave now, before things get too out of hand.

My relationship with Dawn is complicated to say in the least. Our past is riddled with mistakes, most of which were her causing, but that doesn't mean I didn't have my fair share of them, too.

Dawn notices the growing look of dread on my face as the memories resurface from all those years ago. Her eyebrows knit together in concern, and she sets her mug onto the counter before walking to the other side of the island where my mental breakdown appears to be happening.

"Hey. Listen to me." Dawn places both of her hands on either side of my face. "I am so sorry. I know it doesn't make up for what I did, and I know nothing I say or do will ever be able to erase the past, but I need you to know that it was never my intention to hurt you. I loved you."

Her apology surprisingly lifts a weight off of my chest. After five years of no contact, I can finally see a crack in the ice wall that has been built up between us over time.

Without thinking, I crush my lips against hers, something I used to do often a long time ago. She returns my kiss, a soft moan escaping her lips as I push my tongue inside of her mouth. Her hands wrap into my hair and I grip her waist, pulling her against my body in a tight embrace.

This will surely get Vanessa off my mind.

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⚠️ Warning: Chapter ahead contains sexual content.

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