"Do you have everything you need?" My mother's voice sounds from beside me.
I nod slightly, not trusting myself to speak just yet.
My mother, Annette Lippel, purses her lips at me as we pull out of the circle driveway in her sedan with the rest of my belongings, but says nothing in return as the little, gray house fades from view in the reflection of the side mirror.
I hug my sweater to my chest, tightly, as if doing so will make the pain go away. My jeans and dirty white sneakers speak volumes of my current state of mind, and I can't help but be somewhat disappointed in my appearance.
It's a very faint thought; the true disappointment lying within the fact that I didn't see my pending divorce coming at all.
Audrey has been staying with Carol for the past few days while Jeremiah and I sort out our settlement.
The thought alone makes me shiver. My daughter should be with me, and only me. Jeremiah can have visitation on the weekends. That's the only arrangement I'll agree to.
I served him with divorce papers about a day ago. Although I knew it was the right thing to do, it still pained me to do so, and the look in Jeremiah's eyes when I handed him that dreaded, manila envelope will forever haunt me.
I went back to my mother's that night, and silently cried myself to sleep. My mother has always been a strong, independent woman. She raised her two children by herself, so it was almost expected of me to hold myself in the highest manner possible during a time like this.
Even if I did just get my heart shattered into thousands of tiny pieces.
I stare out the window, watching the trees as we whoosh past them, contemplating every decision I've ever made in life.
What if I had never married Jeremiah? Would we still be together? Would it have even lasted?
Probably not. Answers my subconscious, a general response to all of my unasked questions.
I definitely wouldn't have gotten Audrey out of it, and for that I'm forever grateful. She's the only beautiful thing in my life right now.
My eyes begin to well up with tears, but I quickly wipe them away before they get a chance to fall.
I can't appear to be weak in front of my mother.
I steal a glance at her; she focuses on the road as she drives with one hand at ten and the other at two, her pursed lips never letting up.
I let out a huff.
"If you have something to say, by all means, say it," my mother commands. She shoots an eyebrow up, but her eyes stay focused on the road.
"Ma, there's nothing to say," I groan. "I'm just upset, and I'd really like your advice right now. You've been mute the entire drive."
"Vanessa Marie. You know what my advice is to you during this time in your life right now. I've never believed any different." Her eyebrow remains lifted as her words force me to acknowledge the wisdom she's given to me over the years.
When my sister and I were younger, my mother had an expression she would always use:
Everything happens for a reason. Everything will work out in the end.
I'm not known to take heed to this advice. I've always been someone who worries about everything, although growing up with a single mom ended up preparing me for this very situation.
These words have become an unspoken promise to me through my adult years. I have always gotten through every hardship and difficult situation by remembering that specific, dynamic phrase.
I take a few deep breaths, and repeat the mantra in my head over and over:
Everything happens for a reason.
Everything will work out in the end.We arrive at the Marriott in the city about thirty minutes later; I'm staying here until I can find an apartment to move into. I would stay at my mother's, but she lives almost two hours from the city and since I work in the city anyway, I thought it'd be best if I didn't have such a long commute.
Normally, a two-hour drive in complete silence would be something I'd get excited about. Not now though. That long of a trip gives me too much time to think. And when I have time to think, I think about Jeremiah.
"Just put that one in the closet," I instruct my mother as she comes through the door with another box in hand.
The suite is a decent size, but obviously too small to actually live in. Although there's a microwave and a hot plate, the mini fridge is compact and won't be able to house much while I stay here.
I'll need to find an apartment, ASAP.
My thoughts drift off to simpler times; Jeremiah and I in a tiny walk-up when we first married, sitting on our mattress on the floor in the living room, eating Ramen noodles.
We used to be so happy, even though we barely had anything.
I smile sadly to myself as I remember, but quickly recover my composure before my mother notices.
I need to leave so I can properly mourn. No shame. No judgement.
"I'm headed back to Marietta to see Audrey. I'll call you tomorrow?" My voice is shaky, but thankfully my mother doesn't seem to notice.
"I love you, dear. Remember that," she says, and kisses the top of my head before heading out the door.
I'm alone.
I should feel relieved, but I don't.
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For A Reason
ChickLit"I just thought..." I begin, flustered, not really sure where my words are headed. He shakes his head. "We can't," he states, removing my hand from his. "There are a million reasons why we can't." He runs a hand through his hair, seemingly frustrate...