For A Reason

Chapter 23: If I Need To

Surprisingly, I'm actually happy to be going back to work. Doing nothing for a whole day quite literally almost made me lose my mind, and since I don't have Audrey with me just yet, I don't have much to occupy my free time with.

I take my time getting ready this morning, the weight on my chest already feeling lighter from spending the evening talking to Chris.

Last night, we joked, we laughed and we also talked about serious things. I told him about my divorce, and he explained his to me. It's like we connected on another level, like we bonded over our failed marriages.

The sinking feeling is still there in the pit of my stomach though, but it's faint, and I focus on giving my attention to the day that lies ahead.

I can cry later if I need to.

I can't get past the thought that I won't need to, however. It's not that I didn't love Jeremiah, but our relationship was on thin ice long before he cheated on me. We grew further and further apart the longer we stayed together; even after the counseling sessions, and the numerous attempts at intimacy to put that spark back into our relationship, it just wasn't salvageable in the end.

Maybe we just weren't meant to be together.

I used to think we existed in life to find our soulmate. That there was one person out there that was meant for each of us. I used to think that one person for me was Jeremiah.

I now see that that's not the case.

We don't exist for just one man, or one love; we learn lessons in our relationships that help us grow, and that, in turn, prepares us for what's to come next.

The drive to the office is short and sweet; the benefits of living in the city. I used to love living in Midtown, everything was so close. I think I'll begin looking for apartments here. It'll give me a fresh start.

"You're back!" Halle exclaims as I step out of the elevator, scaring the shit out of me.

"Jesus, Halle. I was only gone for a day. And we just saw each other last night," I remind her.

She walks beside me as I continue towards my office.

"Yeah, but more importantly, how was your night with Chris?" Her nosy tone definitely suggests that she was the one that called him in the first place.

I place my bag and coat onto the hook in my office, and roll my eyes at her.

"I don't know what your goal is here, Hal, but he's in a relationship," I say, taking a seat in my chair. "Also, in case you've forgotten, I'm in the middle of a divorce right now."

She scoffs and bats a hand in my direction.

"Oh, who cares! None of that matters," she says.

"Oh it doesn't?" I inquire with fake enthusiasm.

She sashays over to the front of my desk, and places both of her hands on top.

"Vanessa, when are you actually going to put yourself first for once?"

I open my mouth to explain that I will never put myself first because my family comes first. Always.

But I stop myself.

Is that necessary anymore?

I mean, as long as I put Audrey and her health and livelihood first, then I should be able to be happy too, right?

Halle smirks at me, pleased that her question caught me off-guard, and turns on her heel to leave my office.

"Now or never, V," she says as she rounds the corner.

***

I spend the workday planning out a client's campaign for the holiday season; it's our most busy time of the year.

I haven't seen Chris all day, but I guess that's how it should be.

He's moving forward with his life, and I'm kind of stuck in some weird limbo. I can't seem to move on completely until my divorce is finalized.

Plus, his girlfriend is absolutely stunning. She kind of reminds me of his ex, Dawn, though. Same blonde hair, same blue eyes...

He's not dating her again, is he?

No.

Chris wouldn't backpedal like that. He and Dawn weren't exactly a good fit. He told me they once loved each other, but that was before she lied to him about the reason for her abortion.

I'm Pro-choice, but not when you have another person involved that is expecting a child along with you.

I seem to have conjured him up by thinking of him, because when I look up from my desk, he's leaning in my doorway, his tailored suit crease-free.

"You know, it's not required that you stay late," he says. He carries his coat in his arms.

I sigh.

"I know. This is important though, and you realize that this is our busy season, right?" I ask rhetorically.

He chuckles at me; a sound that I've grown to adore.

"Well, why don't you call it quits for the night? It's about midnight," he retorts, and I instantly glance at the clock.

Have I really been in the zone for that long?

Normally, I'd be freaking out right now, but since Audrey is with Carol, and I live in a hotel suite at the moment, the information doesn't shock me as much.

I shrug.

"I guess I should get going," I reply, getting up from my chair and stretching my arms above my head.

When I look back at Chris, he's staring at me.

"I'll walk you to your car," he grumbles, looking down, and I gather my things before heading to the elevator.

The familiar ding of the doors closing sounds, and the lift begins its descent.

We are standing very close to each other, although we're the only ones in the elevator.

I can hear the fast beat of my own heart in my ears as I concentrate on breathing slowly.

Chris' fingers graze the back of my exposed arm, and I feel goosebumps begin to rise.

In through the nose, out.

He brings his hand across my collarbone, leaving a tingling sensation behind as he trails his fingers up my neck.

Breathe. In and out.

His breathing is just as erratic as mine, and his thumb brushes against my bottom lip.

The hairs on my skin stand up.

I don't say anything as I pull the little red knob in the elevator that signals the lift to make an emergency stop, and turn around to face him.

His eyes are fire; they burn with desire for me.

I am what he wants.

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