Obsessed

25

I felt his arms come around my waist and felt his breath in my ear.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. You'll get there. I'll help you the whole way. We'll figure this out together. Okay?"

I sniffed, and nodded, raising my head back up. "Okay, let's keep reading."

The more pages we scrolled through, the more familiar it became. The memories didn't come back exactly, but the familiarity of the story did. Like I had read it one hundred times before.

By the time we got to the end, the girl in the story was thinking about being turned and wondering what would happen. I glanced up at Colby as I read that part aloud. His eyebrows were furrowed, his teeth pressing down on his bottom lip, while he just continued to stare at the computer screen.

The silence pressed on, making me nervous as hell.

"So? What did you think? Can I become a big time author and get my work published or should I quit while I'm ahead?" I joked.

His eyes met mine, some kind of emotion that I couldn't place swimming in them.

"It was really great. I loved it. I loved reading what I believe to be the way you feel about me, or the way you experienced our times together. It's just..." He trailed off and looked back down at the screen.

"What??" I urged him on, putting my hand on his leg and shaking it. "It's just what? You can't leave me hanging like that. It's cruel."

He chuckled a little, and brought his hand up to his mouth, capturing his bottom lip with his thumb and index finger. He looked at me again while he twisted his lip in thought. Oh my God, patience was not a strong suit of mine, because these few minutes of not knowing what he wanted to say was torture.

"Okay." He sighed, bringing his hand down to rest on Prissy. "This last part. The part where Zoe is thinking about asking Cole to turn her. Is that just for the book, or is that something that you were thinking about? Or do you even remember?"

Yeah, that's what I thought it was about.

"Well," I started, hesitantly, picking at a loose thread on the comforter. "I don't know. I don't remember but it is something that I want to know more about right now. I would like the details of what to expect if I were to choose that path. Like, how would I change, what would my personality be like, would I be able to control myself, things like that. Is that something that you would be interested in?"

"No." His answer was so automatic that I shrunk away from him a little.

"Oh. Okay." I replied, keeping my voice steady,even thought it felt as if my heart had shattered into a million pieces.

He didn't want me around forever. I get that.

Forever is a long time.

"No, Chloe, don't do that. It has nothing to do with me wanting you or loving you. If you could stay just the way you are and be with me forever, then I would want nothing more in this otherwise horrible existence of mine."

I looked down and started twisting my rings. "Well, why then? What's the big deal?"

He was quiet for a minute until I looked back meeting his gaze. "It changes you. It's like a virus that reroutes your DNA. It gives you all of these amazing powers but also instills an anger, and a bloodlust inside of you. Makes you a darker version of yourself." He shook his head and took my hand in his. "This...thing...that I am. It's a monster that I have to keep caged all of the time. I'm not who I used to be before this happened. I don't want it to change you, or for you to deal with finding yourself, if that's possible, or even for you to deal with the mental anguish that happens when you realize that you've become something so horrible."

The self loathing in his eyes was enough to make my heart feel as if it was just being shredded, piece by little piece, the pain growing more intense with each part that was removed.

"Colby." I said softly, turning in the bed to face him.

I placed my hand on his cheek and he closed his eyes. I pressed my lips to his for a soft kiss, then leaned back waiting for him to open his eyes. After a moment he did.

"You are not a monster. You are not this horrible person or creature that you think you are. You saved me. I'm not even sure how many times, but you did. All of these people, or uh, vampires, in this house. They love you. I love you." He gave me a small, soft smile. "I'm usually a pretty good judge of character. There's no way that I could love you this much if you were as bad as you think you are. Stop hating yourself. Maybe becoming a vampire did change you, but is that always a bad thing? I didn't know you as a human, but the guy looking at me right now with so much love in his eyes...that guy is my whole world now. That guy owns my heart. That guy is one of the sweetest people that I have ever known, and is willing to do anything to help me get back my memories and help me. That guy is not a monster. I love that guy."

I leaned over to kiss him again and his lips met mine with a furiousity that almost knocked me out.

"I don't understand why you love me, but I'm so thankful that you do." He murmured against my lips, before his own started to travel across my jawline to my throat.

I let my head fall back, enjoying the moment, when I felt his teeth skim the tender skin under my ear. I jerked back without thinking, and grabbed my neck with one hand.

Colby's expression was confused, until he saw my hand on my neck.

"Chloe, I wasn't going to- I'm sorry I scared you."

I couldn't help but smile after the conversation that we had just had. "If you were a monster, you wouldn't care and you would've already taken what you wanted."