The First Born || #notadaygoesby

Not a day goes by

Dear firstborn ,

I remember I was sitting in the corner of the small lavatory vigorously tapping my left foot . With eyes being glued to that small pregnancy kit , I held it as if it could explode in few minutes . A pink line emerged in it , reflecting the commencement of a new journey and a new phase of life - you . That night with all the tears of joy we slept with content of the new found parenthood among us .

Afterwards , the nine months we went on a rollercoaster ride of crests and troughs. Your flutters of first kicks had us jumping in joy , implying that you as a living being were actually growing inside me . Unexperienced emotions , new feelings , pain and anticipation of your onset filled my life . I underwent a process of transitioning from an impetuous woman to a nurturing mother .

You held the title of being the first born in our family . As I vividly remember your birth , you came out upside down looking calm, beautiful but blue and still . With the strong efforts of the medical team continuing for 34 minutes you still were unable to cry . Only people crying in the room which were left were us - a bereaved mother and a grief stricken father . At that moment time became motionless along with you , earth shook and spin , the room swirled around my eyes and engulfed me to complete darkness . Waking up , there remained mere screams , sttuters , sobs , sorrows but no you .

Today it's been five years and twelve days to the time when almighty bestowed you as a blessing in our lives . I'm in the same hospital room ,and a small change from the past is your sister is crying and moving in the cot  .

For all I know not a single day goes by when i don't remember you . It was hard to let you go but i detached all the pain from your memories.
I choose to keep you as a blissful child alive in my heart . I choose to tell your sister she had an elder brother so loving to god that god couldn't let go of him . I choose to tell everyone that you live in our heart and will grow there with time . I am sending my love , tears , hugs and comfort to the universe to evanesce them to you and never forget you will be loved and cherished eternally .

Love ,
Mom.