How to Fall... Without Trying To (GirlxGIRL)

Lana

The others talking about Anissa to Queen makes me very uncomfortable, especially after kissing her last night. Why did I even do that?! I'm not gay.. am I ? I would know if I were gay... wouldn't I? I shake my head, looking over at Queen who is smiling at her phone screen

"Here is your food" The server walks over with a tray in her hand, placing it down on a tray jack, "Who had the veggie omelet with avocado slices?"

Queen looks up and raises her hand, "I did"

The server places her food in front of her then moves on to the rest of us, placing my pancakes in front of me, "Can I get you all anything else?"

"No thank you" Emmie shakes her head for all of us

"Alright! I will come check on you guys in a little bit!" The server smiles, walking away from us to go to the back

We all eat in silence for a little bit, everyone making little effort to speak

"This is so good" Queen closes her eyes in pure satisfaction, "Life should always be as good as this omelet"

"It won't be" I laugh

"The realization sucks ass, doesn't it?" Leslie laughs

"Honestly though" Aria licks her lips, "This food is really good"

"I couldn't agree more" I take another bite of my pancakes

I get out of Queen's car and straight into mine, not minding the fact that I left my clothes inside of her apartment. I'm sure she doesn't care, plus I'll get them later. I drive toward my house, not really sure why I decided against staying at Queen's, but I just need some space to think. I need to honestly figure out why the hell I decided to kiss her... that wasn't okay. She is talking to Anissa... but they just met.. what if they don't make it and Anissa has some deal breakers that... wait... what am I talking about? I can't date Queen! I'm straight.. so why am I feeling like this? Why am I suddenly jealous as hell that she is talking to Anissa? I stop at a red light, still lost in thought before I hear a horn honk and look up to see the light turned green. I drive until I'm home, not really sure what to do with myself while I'm there.

I open the door, walking in to the absolute silence of my home. Without my dad being here... it's quiet. I don't mind it, but it leaves me a little too much room to think. I wanted to think, but not like this. I connect my phone to the house Bluetooth and turn JoJo on shuffle

"I ain't apologizing for shit! I do what I want .. and JoJo does too!" Wiz Khalifa says at the beginning of "Fuck Apologies." by JoJo

I'm not sure what is up with me lately. Could I really be jealous of Anissa and Queen? I mean Queen is sweet and has a great personality, but I like guys. I've never been with a girl ... and I've never thought of doing so before now. This is confusing the hell out of me

"I can only do what I want to do, I can only say what I want to say, I can only think what I want to think, don't hate me! Don't hate me!" Alessia Cara sings in JoJo's song "I Can Only." "I can only love who I wanna love, I can only look how I wanna look, I can only be what I want to be, don't hate me, don't hate me"

Damn. This song is so good yet so overlooked.

I hear the front door open downstairs before my dad calls up the stairs "Lana! I'm home. I need to take a shower, but wear something nice and we will be leaving in 45!"

"Okay" I shrug, looking down at my shorts and a crop top. I guess I can change into something else, my dad will lose his shit if he sees me walk out the house in this. I look through my closet for a dress or something "nice" to wear to dinner with my dad. I decide on a above the knee black dress with yellow sunflowers on it, black boot heels and a mini black clutch purse. This is nice ... right ? I take a quick picture and send it to my friend, Sav, who is still in London.