s.o.s » ziam

ten ➵

ten ➵

*triggering chapter! there are asterisks (**) before the triggering part! please contact me if you ever need someone to talk to.*

zayn ran home, tears running down his face and making the wind seem even colder. he bolted up the three stairs of his front porch, pushing open the front for forcefully. not expecting his father to be home, zayn walked in still crying.

"the fuck is your problem?" his father yelled, glaring at his son from the couch where he was seated.

zayn jumped, frightened by his father's upsuspected voice. he brought his hand up to hastefully wipe the tear tracks off his cheeks, hoping he didn't look like a complete wreck.

"answer me, boy!" his father yelled again, standing up to walk over to zayn. "have you been crying?"

zayn shook his head quickly, "n-no, I was just..just running." he whispered.

his father scoffed, staring down his only son. "just get up in your room."

zayn nodded quickly, running upstairs to escape his father. he felt a bit relieved that his dad didn't question him or yell any more. zayn laid down on his bed, curling up under the blankets as he felt his eyes start to water again.

he shut his eyes as he took a shuddering breath, trying to relax. he felt dizzy and overwhelmed. he felt as though what happened at the party was a dream. zayn could barely believe that liam hadn't even followed him home.

the thought made him cry more as he wondered why he ever trusted liam so much. he should have known liam would've abandoned zayn for popular people.

zayn screamed into his pillow, his emotions turning from embarrassment to hatred.

he laid in bed a while longer until he couldn't cry anymore. he stared up at the ceiling and sniffled, his eyes burning from rubbing them and his nose stuffy.

zayn never thought he could feel so betrayed. he felt as though liam never even liked him in the first place. at the least, liam would send a text asking if zayn was alright, but not this time. not a single text.

zayn felt absolutely horrid. his heart hurt and his stomach hurt and far back in his mind, he wished he was dead. the thought of dying reminded him of something he had in his bathroom.

zayn got up and walked out of his room and to the bathroom, thankful that he had a upstairs room so his father couldn't hear him.

**he locked the door behind himself and grabbed his shaving razor. zayn never thought about actually hurting himself until now. he didn't even really know why he was going to try to hurt himself. he was just so full of anger and sadness that he let his emotions take over.

zayn had broken open a razor before, so it wasn't hard for him to do. he stared at the four blades laid out on the counter once he got them out. the metal was shiny and the blade was small, it almost looked inviting. he never realized how much he wanted to do this until now. zayn felt as though he had to, because it was his fault for trusting liam and his fault for being such a outcast and his fault for being unwanted.

(triggering) he picked up one of the smaller blades and held it to his wrist before pressing down. being that it was so sharp, it made a small red line. zayn let out a breath he didn't know he was holding when he realized it didn't hurt. he never knew that all you did was press down.

zayn did it a few more times on his forearm, leaving small red scratches before he thought about doing it deeper.

he pressed just the edge of the blade against his wrist and dragged it across, gasping when blood quickly appeared. he set the blade down, wincing at the sting of the cut. he stared at it as the blood beaded up and the cut started to itch.

even though it hurt, zayn found himself doing it two more times.

after the third time, he shoved the blades into the back of the drawer and grabbed a piece of toilet paper to wipe the blood off his arm. the three cuts were small in length but bled a lot, something zayn expected.

if he wasn't mad at liam, he would've felt guilty about doing this. but he was so mad, he didn't care. zayn knew liam should feel bad, this was Liam's fault. zayn sighed as he shook his head. no, this wasn't liam's fault. this was his own fault, because he's such a fucking outcast.

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im sorry that was so..graphic? but please, please if you ever need someone to talk to about anything, i am always here. don't hesitate to send me a message. i love all of you!

college is hard and bleh. but I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years now! i miss her more and more every day, but she's coming to visit for christmas!

enjoy this chapter, guys <3

-rylnn xx