Will & Tessa \ Wessa

Will's Fears

One, two, three... Tessa, James and Lucie, the three of them sat on the grass, Tessa playing with the children while I looked on.  Counting them had become a habit.  Once there had only been one other person to look out for and to protect... but then the world had turned on its head.  Hearts had cleaved in two: one half carrying pain and loss, the other half exploding with love and joy.  And me, I was a father and a husband now, and on days like today by the lake with the sun out and a pleasant breeze, I counted my family to ease my fears making sure they were all accounted for: one - Tessa, two - James, three - Lucie.  A habit I had developed and I was not sorry for.  Each of them was my reason and my purpose in this life and everything I did was for their care and for their safety.

We were all barefoot at the waters edge and the water lapped gently at my feet as I watched my family.  I gazed at Tessa and unconsciously rubbed at the spot on my chest where my Parabatai rune had been.

I wondered at times if I made her as happy as she made me, if she was content with the home we had created together.  Because if the world hadn't turned on its head... if... if...

"Will."

I blinked to find Tessa in front of me.  I glanced behind her and the children were playing on the grass.  "Tess."

Whatever affirmations I sought in my times of wonder were sharp and clear when I looked into her grey eyes: the light and the joy in them as she gazed at me, the intense love.  Her brows furrowed slightly.  "Ok?"  She brushed my hair back from my face tenderly, and then leaned up to kiss me.  "Let's go home."

I took her hand and we headed for our children.  James laughed happily when I picked him up and settled him on my shoulders, where he placed his little hands in my hair to steady himself.  Tessa carried Lucie in her arms and we made our way up the path from the lake to the little cottage that I had brought Tessa to when we were first married; our home in Wales when we wanted to escape London for a few days.

After we had put the children to bed I sat in armchair by the fire and Tessa sat in my lap.  She run her fingers through my hair absentmindedly.  When she attempted to sing the Welsh lullaby I sang to the children at bedtime I couldn't help but laugh, but by the Angel, she persevered.

We reveled in moments like these, unsure of when it could all be ripped from us because of who we were and the shadows that lurked in the darkness.  I put my arms around Tessa and held her, suddenly afraid.  Afraid of who I was, petrified by my own mortality.

She had stopped running her fingers through my hair and I closed my eyes.  I loved her deeply and she had given me everything I had ever dreamed of and suddenly I was afraid of the future and of time.

"William."

My eyes flew open to look at her and her eyes were glistening with tears.  Had I spoken my thoughts aloud unknowingly?  Could she sense my fears?  Tessa touched my face softly.  "I love you."  She said and there was an underlined question: even now, don't you know?

"I know."  I answered the unspoken question, of course I knew it, but I would be gone one day and the pain tore through me with a vengeance. 

"I want what I have with all my heart.  You, Will."  She said searching my eyes and she repeated with such emotion.  "I love you." 

She wound her arms around my neck, her head resting on my shoulder and I held her tight, pushing all thoughts of time out of my head so I could dwell in the present.  She had given me everything I ever wanted and I would battle time and age for as long as I could to be with her and our children.

I closed my eyes, pulling Tessa closer, and the pain was gone.