Dear: Who Now?!

Chapter 4

Sliding in the passenger's seat of my mom's little red volkswagen, I barely have time to close my door before she's peeling out of the driveway and down the little neighborhood road. "Jesus mom!" I shout as I brace myself against the dashboard with my hand. For a quick second she looks at me. "Ophelia! Language!" She scolds as if I'm a five year old. In response I roll my eyes and look out the window. All of a sudden a thought pops into my mind and I voice it.  "What about dad?" She keeps her eyes focused on the road as she answers. "He can't come. He says he's busy with work and that he doesn't have the amount of time I want to take off. So unfortunately, he can't come and it's just gonna be us." She looks at me for a fraction of a second and smiles. "But that's okay right? Just the two of us bonding this summer without a yucky guy disrupting us - it'll be great!" She pauses before quickly adding "He said he'll call though if he has time. Something about taking on more shifts since we won't be there and more money." She lets out a slight laugh and rolls her eyes "Whatever!" 

I let out a half hearted and unamused laugh. I don't really care that my dad's not coming. I just said it to keep up the act I have of the "caring" daughter. I might get annoyed and "hate" my mom but I HATE my dad even more! Yeah my mom is an overly cheery woman full of energy and yeah she might kinda treat me like a kid but my dad is SO much worse! It's like I'm a five year old in his eyes and I never really grew up. Whenever he talks to me it's baby talk- like how you would speak to a very young child! I HATE IT!!!! So I try not to talk to him or really be near him. I just want to be left alone and not treated like the baby he apparently sees me as. 

I turn my head and look out the window. I watch as we leave our little cul-de-sac neighborhood. So long! You won't be missed! It's not like I had any friends there. Hell - I don't have any friends in general. I made it that way. Any time someone approached me I figured out a way to get them to go away and stay away from me. I don't need friends. I don't need anyone really but that's life I guess. I don't care that I was labeled the "Weird emo loser" at school who "has problems". Or that I "eat nails and tacks for breakfast and drink them down with the blood of my enemies." Or that I'm apparently a "Satan worshipper." Those are all just words, lies, and ways people try to get attention. At least nobody bothers me. Bullied? Of course I've been bullied, but a good face slam into the nearest wall or lockers always seems to do the trick. I don't know how else I can stress that I literally care about NOTHING! 

I blink and noticed we've stopped. I shake my head a bit to expel my thoughts. I look and see a stop sign and the beginning of our town- our suburban town where it's not too busy but there's still people. This is nothing! Los Angeles is much, MUCH worse! I never go to that area due to all the people! It's claustrophobic and I hate it! I cringe, realizing we'll have to drive through it to go wherever mom is dragging us off to. I glance at mom and see that she's just kinda looking around as if she's not really here with me in the present. A faint smile dusts her lips and I notice tears welling up in her eyes as they flick around to wherever she's looking at in her thoughts. I wait to see if she's going to move. It doesn't look like it and I'm not all that sure what to do. A car horn snaps me out of my thoughts and I look around to see a very angry man behind us giving me the finger and shouting. I ignore him and nudge my mother. "Mom?" I shake her. "You gotta move - you're holding up traffic." That seems to do the trick. She jumps a little and looks around. She sees the man behind us and gives him an apologetic little wave in the rearview mirror and we continue on our way after making sure the four way stop is safe. As we drive I think about whatever just happened.... What the hell was that? Is she okay? Oh my god! Is she dying from same rare disease and this "roadtrip" is her last goodbye to me or something? I feel my anxiety rising and a panic attack on the way. Quickly I shove my earbuds in my ears and blare some music in hopes to soothe myself.  Not even a second later my left earbud is ripped from my ear. I look over to see my mother staring at me. "Your music is kinda loud... I don't want you blowing your eardrums and going deaf at an early age." "Here-" She takes her phone and plugs the aux cord into it (that I didn't even notice sitting there), connecting it to the radio. She scrolls a minute before stopping and picking a song. A minute later the familiar notes of a classic song come on and Andy Biersack's voice fills our car with Rebel Love song. She looks back at me and smiles. "I know we have the same taste and I need some music in here too. This is gonna be too long of a ride filled with silence." She laughs a  bit and goes back to her primary focus of driving. I teeny - tiny smile makes its way onto my lips and I utter out a quiet thank you. I'm not sure if my mom even heard me but if she did she makes no notice of it and continues singing along to the song. I go back to gazing out the window as the scenery slides by. My heart rate slowly going back to normal and all signs of the oncoming panic attack diminish. I breathe a sigh of relief and silently thank my mother for her music superpowers.