This One's For You (an Austin Carlile fanfiction)

Chapter 8

I woke up eventually, but I didn't want to move from my bed. I honestly felt disgusting as soon as I remembered what had happened. I didn't want to face anyone. This was the second time Austin had to find me lying on the ground, the second time he had to pick me up, and the second time I'd caused him so much pain that he cried. I felt like such a horrible person. 

I tried to go back to sleep, but every time I closed my eyes, memories came flooding back. I just laid there, staring at the ceiling. It was quiet, and I wondered what time it was. I didn't hear anyone moving around, not even the crew. The bus wasn't moving, either. 

I decided to get out of my bunk just to check the time. I wouldn't bother anyone more than I already have. I slipped out and wrapped my blanket around me like a cape, dragging myself to the microwave, which had the time displayed on the side. It was eleven thirty at night. Where was everyone? 

I made it a little farther, towards the lounge, hoping I could watch some T.V. to distract myself. I was almost there when I saw Austin sitting on the couch with a book in his hands. My Abigail and John book that he'd teased me about. I could feel my heart pick up. I really didn't want to face him. 

I spun around, but in doing so, the step down to the lounge creaked noticeably. I could immediately feel his eyes on my back. "Lee?" he asked softly. My breath caught in my throat, and the tears were already threatening to spill over. I wasn't sure what to do. I should just go back into my bunk and curl into a ball and stop making everyone's life worse. But I was too selfish for that. I needed Austin. 

I turned around, wiping my eyes with the edge of the blanket. "Hi," I said, voice cracking. 

He made a motion for me to join him on the couch. I hesitated, but gave in. It was so nice to feel his arms around me again, to rest my head on him and hear his heart. He held me for a few moments, saying nothing. It was me who broke the silence. "I'm sorry, Austin," I mumbled into his shirt. 

He pulled away from me. I tensed up, ready for rejection. "Lee, you have nothing to be sorry about. Nothing. Don't you dare apologize about this, don't you dare," he said. His voice was starting to raise. I was making him angry. Why did I leave my bunk again? I looked away from him. I felt his grip on my shoulders soften. "If anyone should be sorry, it's me. I should have come sooner..." his voice broke off into a whisper. I looked up at him and I could see the pain his eyes. I didn't know what to say, so I hugged him. 

He kissed my forehead and hugged me back. "Why didn't I get there earlier...I could have saved you, Lee," he said gently against my hair. I could feel him start to cry. This is exactly why I didn't want to face him, I hated knowing I made him cry. 

"No, you couldn't have, the store was twenty minutes away, you couldn't have done anything different. It's okay, you've already helped me so much Austin...I still can't thank you enough," I said, trying to calm him down. It felt weird to be the one comforting him, but I gladly accepted the challenge. He didn't say anything, just kept me in his arms. 

We stayed like that for a few minutes. "Where's the others?" I asked, pulling back from the hug and leaning against him. 

"They went out to some club," he answered. I felt a pang in my stomach. As much as I hated causing stress on everyone, did they really not care enough to stay and make sure I was okay? I just nodded in response. "I wanted to stay in case you got up. They were really hesitant to leave you, but I think everyone needed a good time," he explained. 

"You should have gone," I told him. "You need a break, too."

"I wouldn't have had any fun, I would just be worrying about you the whole time," he smiled lightly, but I could see how tired he was. I was taking a toll on him.  "Do you need anything? I could make you some tea..."