This One's For You (an Austin Carlile fanfiction)

Chapter 2

  It was almost time. It was eight o’clock, and I was supposed to meet Austin at eight thirty. I was shaking, being overly picky about what to wear. I debated between a dress, which might make me seem either snobby or thinking this was something more than it was, or casual which might make him think I don’t care. I decided to go casual, considering he was my hero, how could he think I wouldn’t care about seeing him again. My final outfit was a grey V-neck that was form fitting, skinny jeans, and a loose green and black sweater.  I didn’t want to wear a sweater, but I didn’t want him to be staring at my cuts the whole time.

                Before I left, I got the urge to cut. I wanted my razor. I was about to go and grab it before remembering my promise to Austin…I took a deep breath, grabbed the directions I printed out based on the location he gave me, and got in my car.

                I followed the directions carefully, not wanting to get lost. I finally ended up at a sushi restaurant downtown. I checked the name to make sure it matched the paper. It did, so I grabbed my purse and headed inside. I looked around, expecting to see maybe Alan’s ginger head popping out from somewhere or Phil walking up for another fist bump. Instead, I saw Austin sitting alone, staring at a menu sitting in front of him. I wondered where the rest of the band was, I didn’t think we’d be by ourselves. I shrugged. Maybe he wanted to talk personally about my story or something, and thought having the whole band there would be overwhelming.

                I waved in his direction, and he glanced up at the motion and grinned. God, he had the cutest smile. I wanted to kiss him right there. Maybe undress him too… I mentally kicked myself for letting my thoughts wander there. I walked over to the table. I couldn’t suppress my happiness at seeing him, and giggled as I sat down.

                “Hey!” he said, looking his usual cheery self. “I knew you’d show up.”

                I giggled again, wondering how stupid I sounded on a scale of one to an airhead fangirl. “Yeah..” was all I could manage to say. I tried to gather my thoughts, thinking about what to say to him. He saw me fumbling with my words, and stepped in.

                “So are you still upset?” he asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

                “No, only thanks to you. I am a little nervous though.” I smiled awkwardly and looked down at the table.

                “No need to be nervous! I love meeting fans. Especially ones who stand out to me, like you. Not in a bad way, you just seem really…really nice, and I think you deserve to smile. You have a very pretty smile.” His words were getting a tiny bit rushed. Could he be honestly nervous too?

                “Thank you, hearing that from you means so much.” My eyes kept jumping from his adorable face to the table, eyes zoning out the words on the menu. We were both silent for a few minutes, I guessed he was thinking about what to order. But when I looked up, his eyes were on me.

                “Have you kept your promise?” he asked, out of nowhere. My mind panicked. Promise? I made a promise? Then I remembered earlier today.

                “Yeah…I almost didn’t, but then I remembered you.” I tried to express how much weight he had on my decisions, if he could ever fathom his impact on me and others like me.

                “I’m glad to hear that, and I’m sure everyone else who loves you would be glad to hear that too.” He smiled lightly, making my heart race.

                Finally, the waitress came over and asked what we wanted to eat. I ordered a California roll and some miso soup. Austin ordered a spicy tuna roll, and some sashimi. My miso soup came first, and I felt awkward slurping the broth so loudly. I decided to try and lighten up. “So, how’s squidgy?” I asked.

                “Oh, haha, he’s probably getting laid somewhere. He does have eight tentacles, he’s pretty popular with the ladies.” Austin’s laugh was so adorable; I didn’t want him to stop.

                “Yeah, I bet.” I giggled too.   

After that, the conversation flowed easier. We talked about the band’s inside jokes, and we even made some of our own. He asked me about my life story, and I told him all about when my grandmother died, how I started hurting myself, all the times I’ve been suicidal, and gone hungry on purpose, and the way my father treated me. My father was always putting me down, and I admitted to Austin how much worse he had it because of his mother’s death and how stupid I felt for even suggesting I have it bad. To that, he just shook his head and told me he understood why I would feel so upset, and told me it would be okay. I nearly started crying when he said that.

                We enjoyed our sushi, getting fried ice cream for dessert. Finally, we were finished eating. I offered to help pay, but he said he had more than enough money to spend. He walked me out to my car. I was about to get in when he stopped me. He asked if I had a piece of paper, and I took out the one he’d given me earlier. He wrote his phone number on the back. “Text me or call me whenever. I’d love to hear from you sometime again! Just promise me you won’t give it to groupies or something, haha.”

                “Awesome, and yeah I won’t, that would be a nightmare.” I slipped his number in my purse carefully. If I lost it, I’d never forgive myself. I opened the car door and he stopped me again. I turned around and was about to ask him if something was wrong, when he leaned in and kissed me. It was tender, slow and soft. My lips tingled as he moved his face away and apologized softly. I didn’t say anything, I just leaned in for more.

                He was so gentle, but there was a fierceness in the way his face pressed to mine that he was obviously trying to suppress. I put my hand on his face. His skin was rough, he’d forgotten to shave. He grabbed the back of my head and pressed himself against me. I was surprised, but went with it. When he finally stopped kissing me, he apologized again. “It’s really okay,” I said. “I sort of really liked it.” I laughed, and so did he.

                “Well, uh, yeah…I really like you, so, like I said feel free to text me or call me. I should probably be getting back to the rest of the band, they must be waiting for me, and I’m really exhausted.” He put his hand behind his head awkwardly, smoothing his hair from where I’d messed it up. I wished him a good night, and he said it back. He smiled at me as I got in my car, and turned to leave. I drove home, still breathless from the kiss. I could barely believe it. Austin Carlile, my hero, kissed me. He honestly liked me like that. I began to cry. I’d been in love with him for so long now, maybe he was starting to love me too. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but I did anyway.