Trench

Føurteen

Whatever you do, don't go to worship.

Clancy sat on his bed, his knee bouncing nervously. They were going to catch him. He knew it. He'd pulled the curtains shut, so that the only light was the cold neon tubes in the middle of his room, but he was sure someone would still see him. What would the Bishops do if they found him? How would they punish him?

His stomach grumbled softly and he flinched at the sound. He had been too nervous to eat breakfast this morning. He tried to ignore the mild discomfort, and distracted himself by thinking about the three strange people he'd met last night. Friends. They were his friends, or at least he thought they were.

He shook his head violently. No, they couldn't be his friends. He had never had friends before. He had spent nearly a decade in this place and he had never had friends. Why would that suddenly change now, after all that he'd done? He was a horrible influence, and he was a burden to carry around. They were going to ditch him at the first sign of trouble. Bird had said so herself.

A cloudy darkness settled in his chest like fog, and he laid back on his bed and stared at the ceiling, his hands folded on his stomach. He had thought that he would be excited for the opportunity to escape, but that proved to be just another fantasy. Was the world outside Dema just a fantasy as well? What if all of this was for nothing?

He almost laughed at himself. All of this. He hadn't done anything. The meeting last night was the only thing that had happened. This was ridiculous. Nothing good could possibly come out of this little escape plan they were putting together.

They hadn't even let him come to their second meeting. They were planning the whole thing as he thought, and then they would fill him in on the way. They didn't trust him. And though he didn't blame them, it still hurt.

He hadn't felt hurt in a long time. He had lived in this comfortable numbness for as long as he could remember, and suddenly in these past two weeks, he had felt hoards of confusing emotions, most of which he wasn't sure he'd ever felt before. They left a burning pressure in his chest, and he didn't like it. He didn't want to feel if it meant he would hurt all of the time.

He rolled onto his side and stared at the window, picking at the seam of his scratchy sheets. The pen in his shirt pocket poked his chest no matter how he rested, so he pulled it out and turned it over in his hand. Perhaps he should write again. Maybe that would help him sort out his emotions. He started to sit up, but then slumped down again. He couldn't leave his apartment now, not when the Assemblage was in nine days. There was nothing he could do at this point. His hands were tied, and he was trapped here until someone told him exactly what to do.

The Assemblage was in nine days, which meant the Week of Silence was in two. Seven days with no sound but his own breathing and shuffled footsteps. That was the worst week of the entire year, and he could hardly stand it. This year, he knew it would be far worse, because this time, he would be plagued with whirling thoughts of escape and the world beyond Dema. He didn't think he could survive it alone.

Suddenly, his window slid open, and someone tumbled in, nearly tearing the curtains down. Clancy scrambled to his feet with a shriek, tripping over his own feet and falling back onto his bed. "What the -"

"Shh!" Cat hissed, pulling the curtains closed again. "You don't want to get caught, do you?"

"Vultures, you scared the living daylights out of me!" Clancy whispered furiously, slowly climbing back to his feet. "What are you doing here?"

"Relaying a message from Bird." Cat dusted her hands on her pants and straightened up, looking right at him. "She wants you to meet her in the circle after worship. Come alone. Don't bring anything."