Trench

Fifteen

The ceiling had more texture than he'd expected. For some reason, that was what his focus continued to return to as he laid there on his back, staring at the ceiling of his apartment through his new glasses.

He didn't know what he was supposed to do. If he went to Worship, like his Bishop had ordered, the others might think he had bailed on them or couldn't follow instructions. But if he didn't go to Worship, his Bishop would be suspicious, and he could get in serious trouble. He was stuck in the middle, and no matter what he decided to do, there would be unfortunate consequences.

This was much more difficult than he had imagined.

The sky was dark, and the neon in the middle of his room glowed brighter than ever. The cold light cast dramatic shadows across the room, looming over his bed and crawling up the walls. Clancy tried to ignore it, but it called his attention over and over, and eventually, he had to turn onto his side to face the wall.

Bird must have known something about the Worship that he didn't. He thought back to his latest journal entry about the neon, and he furrowed his brow and squinted slightly out of habit. The Bishops had effectively brainwashed most if not all of the citizens. That became more obvious the longer he stayed here. He watched those he had grown up with diminish, their personality fading into nothing and leaving an empty shell of a person behind, and he had seen it happen again and again. Perhaps the Bishops brainwashed them at Worships. Clancy hadn't been to a Worship in nearly a week, and Cat had reminded him twice that he wasn't to attend, no matter what. That was the only logical explanation.

He didn't sleep that night. There was a morning Worship and an evening Worship the next day in preparation for the Week of Silence, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do.

When the bell tolled that morning, he stumbled out of bed and to the bathroom, pushing his glasses up his nose and running his fingers through his messy hair. He looked awful, but he couldn't bring himself to make himself presentable. He brushed his teeth and ran his hand over his jaw, but there wasn't anything to shave. He felt oddly disappointed by that fact, mostly because shaving would have given him one more thing to do before he was forced to leave his apartment for the morning Worship.

He pulled his t-shirt over his head, fumbling to keep his glasses from falling off his face, and put on his standard grey button-up. He started to change his pants before realizing that he hadn't changed out of them the night before, so he shrugged and rebuttoned them, his mind too frantic to care.

The hall was already filled, and he slipped easily into the crowd. Suddenly, people looked at him - brief glances that lasted hardly a second, but they were there just the same. Those who recognized him had noticed the glasses, and he shivered under their gaze. Once more, he stood out in the crowd for reasons beyond his control, and he hated every second of it.

The church was a cold, black building close to the center of the city, and though it was hardly overlooked, the nine towers behind it took most of the citizens' attention. They loomed over the city, casting long, dark shadows at every time of the day. Clancy had almost forgotten how much he hated going near them.

Hate. He had felt so much hatred recently, though he had never felt it before. He really was waking up. What if he was right and the Worships really did brainwash them? Would his attendance today erase all that he had discovered? And so he hesitated in the doorway, until someone bumped into him from behind and sent him stumbling across the threshold.

He quickly found a seat in the back of the chapel, on the edge closest to the wall. The entire church was silent except for the soft shuffling of feet as the last of the citizens entered, and he squirmed in his seat. He wished he had his pen to hold, but though he had run back to the square where he'd dropped it, it was nowhere to be found. He figured one of Keons' advisors had taken it, and though he knew that was probably for the better, he still felt empty and lonely without it.

A few tense minutes passed, and then the door at the front of the chapel opened, and everyone rose from their seats as the Bishop and his two Deacons entered. Clancy thought Keons' veiled eyes met his for the slightest moment, but then the Bishop faced the nine neon tubes in the center of the room and Clancy shivered.

What was he to do? He was trapped in the chapel now that Worship had started, and he hadn't figured out what part of Worship actually harmed him. When he sat down with the rest of the congregation, he squeezed his eyes shut and curled in on himself, pressing his fingers against his ears. He knew that if Keons looked up, he would see him deliberately avoiding the Worship, but it was a risk he knew he had to take.

After the longest hour of his life, everyone stood up again, and he stumbled to his feet, dropping his arms to his sides. He squeezed into the crowd and slipped through the doors as fast as he could, but even so, he felt the Bishop's eyes on his back the entire time. His apartment felt a million miles away, and he grew more nervous the long he walked.

He was only a block away when someone grabbed his wrist and yanked him to a stop. He spun around, nearly twisting his wrist the wrong direction, and breathed a sigh of relief when he found that it was Bird and not his Bishop.

"You were at Worship, weren't you?" she said, her voice low.

He bit his lip and dropped his eyes to the ground. "Yes," he mumbled.

"After we told you twice to stay home? How are we supposed to trust you if you can't follow simple instructions?"

His face flushed slightly and he fiddled with his hands, shifting his weight. "I - I'm sorry, but I had to be there. Bishop Keons said that I had to be there and that he'd look for me, and I thought - I thought -"

"Wait a minute, he said that specifically?" Bird frowned, and he nodded.

"He - he gave me these glasses because I told him that I couldn't see without squinting, and then he said that since he gave me the glasses, he expected to see me at Worship. I've already missed a week of Worships, and he started to notice."

Bird cursed under her breath and Clancy's eyes widened, but she ignored it. "If he's watching you, this is going to be harder than he thought."

"What am I supposed to do?" he asked softly.

"What were you planning on doing?"

Clancy shifted his weight again and sighed. "I guess I was planning on going to the Worships and keeping my eyes closed and my ears covered. I'm just - I'm afraid he might single me out. He's already done it before."

"I think that's the best option right now," Bird said, rubbing the back of her neck. "I want to meet the morning of the Assemblage, same place as last time. Until then, stay low." He nodded and she started to turn, but then she paused and pulled something from her pocket. "Oh, and you dropped this."

She held his pen out for him to take and he blinked in response, surprised that she had noticed it. "Thank you," he said as he gently took it from her.

"I'd watch that more carefully if I were you," she said as she walked down the street, and before he could respond, she vanished into the crowd.