Chutes and Ladders: Vol. 1

Choices

Author's Note:
· Chapters 1-4 are about my mother and my family.
· Chapters 5-12 are about a boy that I loved for a long time.
· Chapters 13 & 14 are about myself
· Chapter 15 is about a guy I was involved with over the summer
· Chapter 16 is about an old friend.
· Chapters 17-20 are about a boy I've like for a while (it's complicated)

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I never had a choice. I didn't choose to come early, or even show up. I didn't choose to be used as a ploy in your twisted schemes. I didn't choose to be unwanted. I just came that way. And you, all wrapped up in your own little world, didn't understand what it meant. It meant giving up your old life, and expanding your heart to create space for me. You didn't understand that I hadn't chosen to dent your old station wagon of a life. I didn't mean to change your life. But somehow, I am to blame. I became the one to push your insecurities on. I became the one you resented; the one you pushed away. You have never loved me, like you should have.

Yes, I was a surprise. And yes, I was not what you wanted. But I am here. And now I have a choice. You can no longer twist my arms and guide me down the path you want. I am no longer blind to you. For the first time in my life I see you. I am not a naive little girl; believing her mom is the good witch. You have lied and betrayed me to save yourself. And that's okay. Because one day, you'll need me. You will finally realize that I am not an unwanted scrap to toss to the side. And when you do, it will be too late. I will have children to raise and a husband to love, and I won't have time for "I was wrong." I won't have time for "I should have..." I won't have time for you. Life is about learning from your mistakes and moving on. I have moved on and I understand that I was a mistake. I just hope that one day, you'll finally comprehend that I wasn't your biggest mistake, but that you were your own.