Falling Away with You (Belldom)

You must rescue us all (part 9)

A/N: so someone close to me was diagnosed with depression and anxiety ( along with a personality disorder)and I feel like these two mental illnesses are not represented correctly in a lot of wattpad stories, and to bring some awareness to the topic I thought I'd include it in this fanfic and how it can affect anyone and how it doesn't care how rich you are what you own it's can affect ANYONE...
So yeah no hate and please don't think I'm just romanticising the topic I want people to be more aware and in honour of my friend who was diagnosed :)

Matt's POV

I woke up, Dom was sleeping peacefully on my chest, ah how cute he is.
I had know Dom for 2 years, the same amount of time I had know Chris, more or less.
I had talked to Chris about my mental health problems about a year ago, and he was very understanding and he promised to always be there for me, however, I never talked to Dom about it, Chris had told me that I didn't need to feel pressured into doing it, I hadn't been on antidepressants for about four months now, and my trips to my therapist where much less frequent than they used to be, I had become depressed after an incident with someone who used to be a friend when I was 14. I had done a lot of things I regret, Dom deserved to know about my past, and now I felt ready to tell him.
"Hmmm morning Bells..." the sleepy blonde stretched and sat up, he tried to flatten his hair down but failed.
"Morning Dommy."
"You ok? You look, I don't know...thoughtful?"
"Are you suggesting I never look thoughtful so when I do it's a concern?" I asked teasingly.
"What no...you look uhm lost." Dom looked a bit flustered.
"Aww you're so cute when you're confused."
"Shut up..."
I stroked Dom's messy blonde hair, he seemed to enjoy that.
"Dom, I need to tell you something it's very important and I think you deserve to know by now."
"Ok, what is it?"
"Not here...lets go to the caves."

At around 11:20am we arrived at the caves by the beach, my legs hurt, we where almost at the top of the hill, I decided I would rest, so lay down in the grass and enjoyed a few seconds of bliss as the sun shon down on my face.
"Hey lazybones, we're almost there."
"Hmm my legs hurt give me a minute."
"I want to know what you want to tell me Matt...should I be worried?"
"Eh let me rest."
Dom walked over to where I was lying, to my surprise he lifted me up, one of his arms under my knees and his other one over my shoulder, I grasped my arms around his neck.
"I-I...Dom what are you doing?"
"Aww so cute when you're confused." He said mimicking my voice.
"You're such an asshole somet- stop that!! Dom!!"
He was kind of throwing me around in his arms and catching me, he was laughing at this, I held onto his neck for dear life, he laughed like an idiot when he saw how scared I looked. Asshole, he was clearly enjoying himself very much.
"Come on Matty!! To the cave!!"
"Don't you dare run- DOM!!!"
He was running full speed, well as fast as he could go carrying me, I had no idea he was strong enough to pick me up let alone run whilst holding me...
We finally reached the cave and Dom put me down, he laid me carefully onto the smooth rock floor, I sat up and he leaned against me.
"So...what did you want to tell me?"
I hesitated for a while, I was afraid that by telling Dom all this stuff I would bring back past memories and cry, and I didn't want to cry over something from the past.
"Dom do you know what borderline personality disorder is?"
"Yeah I read some articles about it a while ago...why?"
"Dom, I have a story to tell you, don't say anything until I'm done because it's quite long and confusing"
"Ok. Go ahead."
"Ok...so back when I was 13, I had no friends at all, I mean I kind of talked to Tom and Chris but I felt deeply lonely and nothing mattered to me. I had fallen into a state of depression, and my parents didn't want to believe it so they said it was probably just hormones or something.
When I was 14, I met Calvin, he was this new guy to the school, we immediately clicked and became the best of friends, everyone knew us at the best friends and some even envied our friendship, we told each other everything, I talked to him about my struggles with depression and he was very understanding.
Of course through the year we had a few arguments but he claimed they only brought us together and I believe they did.
After about five months of knowing him, I confessed the fact I had a crush on him and had a crush on me too, that same day he came out to me as pansexual and I came out to him as bisexual.
A week or so later I asked him out and we started dating, a lot of things happened during this time, and I loved every moment of being with him, but he broke up with me saying he would prefer to just be friends, and Dom- I lied to you. You weren't my first kiss, Calvin was. I'm sorry. I wasn't ready to tell you and not then..."
I could feel tears prick my eyes, I knew the next part wasn't pretty.
Dom rested his hand on my shoulder and smiled at me.
"Calvin had told me that he was moving city by the next year, and I knew I would miss him so much.
Over that summer we texted every day all day, he told me he loved me and would always be there for me, and he would never stop texting me.
But problems I had faced during the year in our friendship where coming back, I was obsessed I envied him, if he didn't reply to my texts I'd get mad or extremely upset, and whenever he mentioned some other friend he was hanging out with I would ignore him for hours.
I treated him like shit, my opinions on him would change literally one second from another, one minute I loved him and idealised him the next I believed he wasn't good enough and that he didn't care about me and I would get mad at him for the smallest thing.
Eventually, we got into a really big argument, he blocked me on all social media accusing me of being unhealthy for him and that I was making stuff up
when I was accusing him of lying to me, he had lied to me but they where small lies that I could have easily overlooked if it wasn't for the fact my fucking opinions on people changed to fast, my opinions on him I was obsessed with him, he was the first real friend I had ever had.
When he cut me off I tried everything to contact him, via his sister his mom but each time he told me this was my fault. I gave up.
I became depressed once more and I tried to kill myself on multiple occasions, my parents never found out, until one day in the new school year, when I was 14, about a month since the incident with Calvin. My mum found the suicide notes I was going to use the following week I had a whole plan of running away and killing myself I had left a note for Calvin too. I couldn't live without him and everything was getting to me, my family life, school. My mum immediately signed me up to see 2 therapists one in this town another one in the town where my aunt lives.
I was first diagnosed with depression and prescribed with medication, then with borderline personality disorder.
I begged my aunt to not tell my parents about my BPD, she kept that promise and to this day she hasn't said anything about it to them, I stopped seeing that therapist two months ago, and my BPD is gone for now. I'm still a bit scared of getting close to people, I was so afraid Calvin would abandon me and made up all these scenarios in my head that it became real and he abandoned me. I couldn't see living without him possible. And after that, I met Ralph, he was 2 years younger than me and also had mental health issues, we where close instantly, once I learned about my BPD I told him not to became too attached to me as I would ruin everything, I thought he was understanding but later on text he was mad he texted me that I was "Better off dead anyway" he was jealous of my friendship with Chris, who had previously dated him for a month or so, whilst Chris was questioning his sexuality- Ralph knew this too. He knew Chris wouldn't be with him forever.
He told me and Chris that we could go kill ourselves together and accused Chris of cheating with me, he became obsessed with hurting me and told his whole grade I was gay, and how I was selfish and stole Chris from him. He was moved schools and the whole situation was cleared up to everyone.
His actions hurt me, but I let go.
Dom, until I fell in love with you when I was 15, I wasn't over Calvin and still wanted to commit suicide...I am clear of BPD and depression and no longer to therapists if not once ever six months, and no longer take antidepressants but I'm scared if you leave me or we argue my BPD will come crawling back, being 14 was the hardest year of my life, I met you and at the start I hated you, but when I was 15 I realised, Dominic Howard I love you, I am in love with you. Like I was with Calvin. I don't want to hurt you like I hurt him and you leave me."
I broke down in tears, my sobs echoed around the cave.
I heard another sob, it was Dom. We hugged each other and sobbed and laughed.

Long chapter. Matt's backstory may not make sense but it's based on real events and often reality makes no sense...