Through The Pain

1 | Hospital

Cat

Deja vu.

The moment I opened my eyes, I was immediately immersed in a sense of deja vu. You know, the feeling of having already experienced the same situation. I've seen this before. I've been here before. I've felt this before.

As I looked around me, the more I felt the familiarity. The ceiling, the walls, the cabinet on the corner of the room, the curtain from the only window in the wall that is being blown by the air from the outside, the bed, sheets and pillow, and even matter-of-fact my dress. If I could even call it a dress while others called it a gown.

Everything is so white. Pure. Peaceful.

Am I in heaven? I asked myself even though I knew that I was not. I knew exactly where I was and I knew exactly why. Even if I try to deny it to myself, the IV pole that was over my head and the continuous beeping of a machine on the other side of my bed is proof of what happened last night.

No, the other night...actually I am not sure about that...well, the memory of the last time that I was conscious sank in.

I am not in heaven but in a hospital...again.

I look at the IV pole with a drip on it connected to a needle that is inside my vein. Then my eyes traveled to my hand and yes, there it is. There is a needle, though it was not actually a needle, it was a small cannula that is inserted into my vein connected to a transparent tube with transparent fluid running in it. The cannula was held firmly by white plasters on the back of my hand.

I raised my head to look at the other side of my bed and saw a machine with numbers in it that changed now and then. I have come to know that that machine is called a heart rate machine that was supposed to count the beat of my heart as well as my breathing pattern and the oxygen level in my blood. I have been acquainted with the kind of machine one too many times that I am now well aware of how it works. The machine is connected to this thing that is clipped on my finger making it feel numb.

That is the only sound in this quiet room and it irritates me. It was quite deafening.

So I decided to remove that thing that is clipped on my finger. But that was a mistake, instead of stopping the machine, it makes a more disturbing sound. That 'flat line' you hear when someone dies.

I immediately returned the clip to my fingers as I didn't expect that. The last time I tried to remove that same kind of clip, it didn't make that kind of sound.

Then the door of the room opens and the most gorgeous doctor I've ever seen in my life enters. Sometimes I wonder, why does he have to be a doctor? I am sure being a model would fit him better.

He wore a white coat with his left hand holding a stethoscope while the other hand was in the front pocket of his coat. His three-day stubble beard looks good on his chiseled jaw. I especially loved his quiff hairstyle. It is very classic and well suited to his sexy curly hair.

He has that stern expression on his face which means I am in big trouble.

"Can you turn this thing off?" I said, pointing at the machine that continues beeping beside me. I tried to give him my best puppy eyes though I am not sure if it will work because I am not good at it.

Then the doctor sighed. I guess it did work after all. I smiled in victory.

He walked around the hospital bed to check on the machine. "Well, since your vitals have been stable for the past twelve hours, I guess I can." Then he pushed some buttons and then it finally stopped and I instantly sighed.

What a relief in my ear.

He grabs my hand and gently removes that thing that is clipped on my finger. But once he was able to remove it. He didn't let go of my hand.