Through The Pain

27 | Friends

Cat

It has been two weeks now since I asked Nate to stop picking me up and taking me back to my apartment. It has been two weeks now as well since I had lunch with him. Don't get me wrong, I love having lunch with Grace. We've been catching up so well these past few days. I cannot believe that I didn't know she was dating that hot guy from the other department that Daisy has been talking about to me for two months now.

It just proves how much time we haven't been spending together.

I haven't seen that guy, I just heard about him from Daisy. My assistant seems to have given up all hopes of getting Nate's attention and is now keeping on talking about that hot guy from the other department. Daisy had described to me every feature of that guy even though I am not interested. That's how I realized that it was the same guy that Grace is dating. I already had a clear image of that guy in my mind based on Daisy and Grace's description. Not that I want to picture the guy, they just keep on talking about them.

Daisy would be furious once she found out the new guy she is pinning is already dating my best friend. I wonder what rumors she will be spreading this time.

So other than seeing each other at the office, Nate and I haven't been spending time alone. Not that I need to, or I wanted to, but damn I missed us being alone together. Just us in his car going to work and back to my apartment. Us sitting across from each other chatting casually while eating.

I missed those moments.

Even if I keep on reminding myself that I wanted this. I chose to distance myself from him because of those damn rumors. That I should not be missing it.

Still, I miss it.

And now I know I'm screwed.

Because I am falling in love with my Boss. This is not just an infatuation. Now that he is starting to show that he cares for me even if it's just because I treat his daughters well. Even if it is just because he felt sympathy towards me.

It hurts but at least, I got some of his attention even if it is not for the reason that I want.

I sighed as I sat here on this red stool that I had gotten used to sitting once a month. A woman that is newly diagnosed with fibromyalgia is crying across my seat from the circle that we usually make every time we have this session.

The woman is in her early fifties. Happily married with two sons, one of them had already married and is going to be a father soon. The woman in front of me had enjoyed her life and has now almost fulfilled it. I mean, she must have already experienced a lot, being in love and loved by her husband and sons and now she's going to have a grandchild. She is already retired and enjoying her pension.

Whereas I, still in my ripe age. I should be enjoying myself instead of worrying about losing my job because if I did, I would not have any money to buy my medicines. I worry about falling in love because I know that I should not. I will just be a burden and I don't want that. And on top of it all, I cannot bear a child. No one would want to get married to me.

I watch as Jenny consoles the woman. And I sighed, I looked around until I saw Alvin talking with one of the women here.

It's been months since he confessed his feelings towards me. Since I rejected him again. And things had been awkward between us. I had been to a check-up with him twice since then and we were just acting strangely at each other. How I wish things between us would go back to how they used to.

I missed the old him.

I missed the old us.

It's now time to leave when I saw him at the door bidding the women goodbye. Some would hug him, some would shake his hands. I could see their mouths opening saying 'thank you'. Alvin is a great guy, everyone thinks he is. I've never heard him be an advocate of patients with fibromyalgia until he finally diagnosed me as having one. Since then, he started specializing in my condition and even found a support group for me where he volunteered as well to give support.

I walked up to him when I noticed the last one to hug him before she left.

"Hey,"

He looked at me and smiled at me. But it's not the smile that I got used to. It was almost sad. "Hey," he greeted me back.

"Can we talk?" I said and he just stared at me for a moment before he nodded his head.

"Sure,"

We stand outside watching as the parking lot empties. I played with my shoes, twisting them on the ground not knowing how to start. I bit my lower lip as I continued to stare down as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"Alvin," Finally I started but I didn't look up because I knew he was watching me.

"You'll hurt your foot if you continue doing that," He said, making me look up at him. God, he is so handsome but why can't I make myself fall in love with him. Then the image of a certain gorgeous devil crossed my mind. I immediately shook my head.

"I'm so sorry about that night. I swear I tried, I thought and I feel it harder to see if there might be any chance of me falling in love with you ever since you asked me to marry you but I can't. You are a great guy, Alvin. And I am so lucky to have that affection from you. If I am a selfish person, I would grab your offer to my advantage but I am not. I don't want to be unfair. Though I know I'm already being unfair to you. I don't know if I have been leading you on and I can't help but hate myself because of that. God, Alvin I love you but not the way you want me to and it hurts that we are like this." I continued talking and I am glad that Alvin just let me because if I stop, I might lose all the confidence I had

"Gosh, I think I am not making any sense," I said and covered my face with my palm. Then I heard him laugh.

I look up at him with confusion. He is indeed laughing. He is making fun of me. I frowned.

He noticed my frown and instantly stopped laughing. "I'm sorry. It's just, you looked cute."

My frown gets deeper. "Am I not making any sense to you?" I asked, then his face turned serious.

He raised one of his hands and cupped my cheeks. "I'm sorry for making you feel this way. But I am not sorry that I told you how I feel about you. And I am definitely not sorry that I felt that toward you. It was a great feeling to be in love with a great woman like you. And I felt great relief when I told you how I love you. Even though it did not end the way I wanted it to. I do not regret it. If there is anything that I regret, it's how things become awkward between us."

My shoulder fell and I lowered my head. He is right, everything became awkward after that and I hate it.

There was silence between us when I felt his thumb on my chin. I felt him lift my face. "Can I ask you a favor?" He asked and I just nodded my head.

"Can you just let me love you and be friends with you at the same time?" He asked and I could see the hope in his eyes.

I eventually smile because that is what I've been wanting to ask of him when I asked to talk to him. I want us to go back to how we used to be. Or if that is not possible, maybe we could work things out differently. But I have to make sure to not give him false hope or lead him on.

"That's what I've been meaning to ask," I said and suddenly he gave me a bone-crushing hug.

"I missed you,"

"I missed you, too." We pulled away from each other. "Let's eat somewhere. My treat." I said.

"Fine with me," Then I noticed him glance over my shoulder. "That is if your boss is not taking you back to work."

I looked up at him frowning. Yes, I was supposed to have work today but I asked Nate for a day-off and he allowed me because he understands. He was kinda supportive.

When I looked behind me where Alvin was looking with a stern face, I saw Faye and Aenid running towards me.

Behind them is Nate!

I suddenly panicked seeing his grim expression.

But why should I panic?

Because he saw me hugging Alvin?

And what's with that face?

A/N: Photo credits to the owner

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