Through The Pain

18 | Flare

Cat

It has been the most stressful week for me. Alvin confessed his love for me and surely, I wasn't prepared for that. He did offer me a marriage but I thought that it was just out of pity. I never thought that he loved me. Was I that insensitive and missed the signs?

We were friends and as much as I don't want to hurt him, I know I still did. I decided to be honest and straightforward with him when I rejected him. I told him I love him but not the way he wanted me to. He said that we should try dating but for me, what's the use?

I know that you date someone when you like them and want to know them better. Yes, I do like him but only as a friend and I already know him because we've been friends for years. I know he is hoping for a committed relationship with me but I am not. I want us to stay friends. And honestly, I cannot see myself settling down with him.

I told him those words when I rejected him. I tried to be polite but I know that I still hurt him.

I know that there will be a degree of awkwardness after this but I'll just try to ignore and pretend that the confession never took place to save our friendship.

Then there's the lunch meeting with Eric. I know it is inevitable since he is a business partner but I was hoping that my boss would decide not to take me to that lunch meeting. But I guess luck was not on my side at that time. He still insists on me coming with him.

Eric is a good person but can be annoying sometimes. Seriously, he doesn't know how to accept a no for an answer. I felt bad the first time I rejected him when he confessed to me and told me that he wanted to date me. But instead of feeling bad he took it as a challenge and said that he would still pursue me by sending flowers until I decided to date him.

And he just keeps on doing it over and over again. And I just keep on rejecting him over and over again to the point that it became a normal thing for me. Doesn't he get tired of it?

I wonder if he is being serious or just fooling around with me.

The lunch meeting was awkward just like how I thought it would be. Eric acts as if it was a date between just the two of us and constantly forgets that my boss who turns out to be his best friend is there with us as well.

I don't know if I was just imagining things but I noticed that my boss became grouchy when he found out that Eric is trying to pursue me especially when he mentioned flowers.

My boss already had a bad impression of me because of those flowers and after finding out that those flowers came from his best friend, I fear that he would lose all his patience and fire me then and there. He might be thinking that I am the kind of person that seduces men of his status. That I enjoy that kind of attention and treatment which I am not. I am afraid that I will never be able to change his bad impressions of me.

But what am I afraid of? Why do I care about what he thinks about me? Maybe because I am under his employment? But, I'm already planning to resign, right?

But the thing is, do I want to?

Once I resign, I'll never get the chance to see him again.

So what?

I'll miss him?

No. No. No. Why would I miss him?

I hate him, right? I hate his cold demeanor towards me. I hate the way he intimidates me. I hate the way he mocks me. I hate that he is always grouchy. And I hate that he always makes me look as if I am not working hard enough when in fact I am working too much, too hard enough for him that it pains me.

But then I love stealing glances at him when he is busy working. I love his solemn look when his focus is on his laptop or papers. I loved it when I caught him staring at me. And most importantly, I love his daughters. And I'll never be able to see them once I resign.

Damn!

I'm doomed.

I leaned back and closed my eyes. It's already 8 pm and I am still here in the office because there is this proposal that my boss is trying to finish today and he asked me to help him. Not that I mind but my legs and back are killing me.

It started two nights ago, and I thought that it was just the normal waxing and waning of pain and will eventually fade away through rest and sleep but it didn't. Instead, it keeps on worsening and for the third day now.

Lower back pain has always been my Achilles heel, you know, the 'thing' that always gives me trouble because of the nature of my work that I always have to remain sitting. But it is now amplified with leg pain because of those damn heels.

I know I am flaring now. And I know why. My flares have always been triggered by physical and psychological stress which I am sure I am having now.

And every time I am flaring, I always fall unconscious and wake up the next day in the hospital. Nothing can save me now, pain medications won't work. Sometimes it did but most of the time, it won't.

I could feel my heart beating faster and I'm gasping for air as if it is not enough. It is so hard to breathe. I tried to take in the air but I felt like my lungs cannot fill in so much that it makes me feel nauseous. My whole body tensed and my muscles started to shake uncontrollably. I could feel goosebumps and cold sweats all over my body.

I need help.

Every time I am flaring I am always alone. Alvin or Grace would just find me the next day in my apartment unconscious. But this time I know I am not alone.

In the room next to mine is my boss. I don't care if he found out about my illness but I need help right now. I am sure he will fire me after he finds out that I am sick but I don't care, I am planning to resign anyway.

Just now, I really need help.

I tried to get up but my body won't allow me.

I am in too much pain and every movement is worsening the pain.

I opened my eyes and found that my vision was blurry. That's when I noticed that I was crying. Then I am whimpering. I hope that it is loud enough for my boss to hear me.

"H-help..." I tried to call out for help but I am sure that my voice is barely audible.

I tried to move and put my arms on my desk to support my body when I stood up. "Help..." I called out again looking at the door to my boss's office. But I cannot hear any movement.

As I continued whimpering, I tried to pull my body up so that I could walk towards my boss's office but I failed.

My whole body gave up and I just cannot bear it anymore. I felt my body start to melt like a candle and I fell to the ground. Then everything turns black.

A/N: Photo credits to the owner

Please Vote, Comment, and Follow

Thank You☺☺☺