Stories to Tell

Happiness?

Oh great, it's happening again.

It seems like this is the fifth time today, a new record. I wonder if pills would make it calm down sometimes but it's better to go 'natural' pff. You're not the one suffering why should they get to choose. Just letting you know I suffer from something people don't really have a name for, although most would say it's depression; my doctors and I know that isn't it. It's just that I can be at an all-time high, seeming to be so happy and motivated that I could do anything when next thing you know in just a couple of minutes even seconds everything just comes crumbing. Everything that was oh so nicely placed now twisted, in a puddle of what it used to- what it could have been. Leaving me with an empty feeling, as if I became nothing. I want pills to soften the blow but since this is too close to being depression am not allowed. I just don't understand; I won't be too ambitious, unless I am on some drugs then I gain a sense of place or ego.

They move around now picking up an object, a being, as they continue.

The lows are literally just a state in which I can live but it just feels awkward. 'The happiness I feel is fake', that's how things feel. As if I'm living in an illusion that doesn't end and you can't tell where it becomes a reality as everything seems to stop and slow down. I do admit this low state of mine does have similar characteristics of depression, but I wouldn't say I'm in a sad state. It's simply different but I don't know, I would say you can be the judge of that but not really. I'm the one experiencing this so your thoughts are irrelevant in my opinion but I guess you can speak.

A low crack with a whimper could be heard.

There are times when I'm in this state and I go absolutely hysterically. Like I go hyper and comeback to this state. In a way you could call that hyper state the high, but I don't really know, I would say it's part of the low as it happens really then. Crashing me and doing its damage.

Oh, and the high is basically me just being really happy, like at any moment something small could happen and I'll be happy in a way unless it really upsets me or the friends in my mind speak up. As it seems, it is literally just a state in which I'm happy and I'm prepared to face anything. Nothing could stop me. Just me versus the cruel world.

A louder crack can be heard. More pressure applied by the second. A cry following the cracking.

This happens to me in the mornings sometimes and even when I think about the bad stuff that might happen, I'm there with a smile on face. I do notice that this happens mostly in the mornings if I got to see my boys. It's the boys my mind friends created for me. I would say I could show you him, but he is mine. Oh, if I woke up with a lot of time or ate something that gave me energy can also seem to make me feel that way too.

Isn't it a funny thing, see?
How can this be any different from depression?
It literally spells depression all over it.

Tell that to everyone that keeps on telling me it isn't. I swear I heard once 'I think it's better to tell your daughter that something else is wrong with her', that she doesn't suffer from depression or whatever they said.
I had been squeezing too hard. I thought these were supposed to break so easily. Its juices were rolling down my hand and arm.
I smile.
I have never seen it break as easily as it has. I look at my arm, as the red liquid continues to roll down. The unfortunate thing didn't even fight but this time. Humph, I knew I should have grabbed its sibling, would have been more satisfying to watch. They are never fun, never wanting to play or leave that cage I got for them.

The person grimaces. Sleeve no longer white as the snow, red now taking its place on the lower cuff. Slowly leaking to the floor to form a red puddle. They lay the now dead being on the counter, a concern for later.

...?

~Author's Note~

So, um... yeah that happened heh...

HAVE A NICE REST OF YOUR DAY! ~