keeper oneshots

Soon You'll Get Better (FITZ X TAM)

T A M

My hair got tangled in the buttons of my coat as the doctor delivered the bad news. The silver at the tips was so dim it looked gray in the doctors' office lighting.

We sat in silence on the drive back. I called Biana for him when we got there.

Fitz eventually made his way to where I was cooking dinner. I felt his arms wrap around my waist.

"Hey."

I heard a muffled, "Hi".

"How are you feeling, Darling?" I felt guilty, asking him that given the news.

"Honestly? I don't know."

-

I ended up essentially praying to the pill bottles, praying that they would help. I was so desperate, I ended up praying to Jesus too.

"Soon you'll get better," I repeated desperately. "You'll get better soon because you have to!" 

Fitz sat on the bed, head in his hands. I sat next to him. Fingers entwined, we faced the world.

-

I knew delusion. I saw it every time I looked in the mirror.

We were only delaying the inevitable.

He liked the nicer nurses, like Livvy and Elwin.

We made the kitchen neon. I wore bright colors more than before.

It didn't help.

-

"Soon you'll get better!" I said it so often it became my mantra. "You have to." Despite my repetition of the phrase, I was losing hope.

-

Who am I meant to talk to? What am I supposed to do if you're not here?

-

It's not gonna go back to normal. Like it ever was. Sophie, Keefe, and Dex gave up hope a while ago. Biana, Linh, and I were deluding ourselves that there was some hope left.

-

"Soon you'll get better," I whispered in the car. I was kidding myself.

-

We sat at Fitz's deathbed, no tears being shed. We were in too much shock.

"I love you," I murmured desperately.

"I... love... you... too." He breathed his last breath.

I didn't start crying until I got home