Always on my mind - Jodie Whittaker X Girl reader

Chapter Six - To Love Somebody

June 2020

I was ecstatic! Episode Five - the episode where Robyn fully confesses to the Doctor her true feelings, and turns out the Doctor did too! I set my alarm a little earlier than normal to make sure I could be fully awake.

In the make up caravan, I was shaking way too much. I could barely even speak I was so excited. The stylist curled my hair and told me something I wasn't expecting.

'Hey Y/N? Um, Mandip said she wanted to talk to you before you start preparing for the filming.'

'Errrrr, okay.' I said .

I soon left and found Mandip outside the TARDIS set. 'Hi Y/N! Over here, come and sit down.'

'So, why did you want to talk? Anything important I'm missing?' I asked.

She paused. 'I've had an idea. To get you ready for telling Jod- I mean the Doctor - how much you really like her, I'm gonna pretend we're Yaz and Robyn. I'm gonna prepare you in real life, but it'll be as if it's on screen. That okay?'

I nodded enthusiastically. 'Yeah! Shall we start right now?'

'Yep!'

We settled comfortably on the chairs and I flipped through the pages to Episode Five. Mandip began, now as Yaz.

'So, tell me again what you're gonna do Robyn.'

'Once you and Graham have left, I'll get her attention. I'll start the conversation lightly, and then it'll end great!'

'Perfect!'

That was my preparation finished. 'Oh, remember though, Y/N, you need to be a bit nervous.'

'Yeah. That's gonna be.......hard.'

'You'll be fine! Jodie's a fantastic actress, and a big softie.'

Pretty soon, it was time for the TARDIS scene. My body commenced its uncontrollable shaking again as I got into position, about to enter the console room.

NOTE: No * for this, because it switches rapidly between reader and character.

'3..2....1...and action!'

'Go blow it girl.' Yaz whispered into my ear. I heard her leave with Graham and I tensed up. The Doctor was calmly flipping switches and pulling levers on the console. She hadn't even noticed me yet.

I stepped over to her and leant on the machine. 'Doctor?' I almost suggested.

'Oh, Robyn! Didn't see you there. Have a nice nap? I knew you were tired from earlier.'

I smiled at her care for me. Little things. 'Yeah it was good. Look, can I ask you something?'

The Doctor peered up. 'Course, you can ask me anything about anything!' she replied with a cute proudness to her tone.

This was the hard bit. I had worked up to this, with Graham and Yaz. So what was so wrong? It could be her big light brown eyes. Or her little bob of bright blonde. Maybe everything.

I shook myself. 'Do you....do you consider me as more than a friend?' I took a deep breath.

'What, like best friend? Family? You're part of the TARDIS family, Robyn. Don't ever forget that.'

'No....I meant.....' I began. I wasn't sure how to say it. Flat out? Casual? Mysterious?

I squeezed my eyes shut and sighed heavily. 'As in......love me?'

I felt her eyes staring at me. Awkward silence came between us. This wasn't how it was supposed to go; we should be laughing and smiling by now, right? That's how it goes in the movies. And TV shows......

'Well.....I....'

'I know....stupid question. Just..forget it, okay?'

'Robyn...I don't think you understand...'

'Yes, I do!' I raised my voice significantly. 'You love your other soulmate, what was there name? Oh, it doesn't matter now. Ignore what I said.'

I was so upset. But I was expecting it all along. The Doctor had told us a few times about her married life, and Yaz and Graham had mentioned it too. I hadn't a chance at all.

A gentle hand was placed on mine. I held back my tears the best I could before opening my probably bloodshot eyes.

I was met with the Doctors warm smile that lit up my lonely world. 'Robyn, I do love you. I admire your stubbornness, your ability to insult everything, no matter how scary it may be. Your strong affection to those around you. I love you.'

She prised me from the console and stood me up so we were properly face to face. Then she kissed me. A small, tender press on the lips was all I needed to fix my nervousness. I embraced back and she stroked my cheek softly.

Our short-lived memories flowed into my head. The first day we met, our endless chats, our mini adventures, and now this.

I was dreaming again. I must be, right? Kissing the woman I loved so much could never be real; we weren't meant to be. But yet here we were. I didn't check if I was awake though. Dream or not, I never wanted this moment to end.

She broke away and I smiled shyly. 'So do I.'

'And.......cut!'

We walked off in silence, hand in hand. I don't think any member of the crew noticed, and I was glad for that fact.

Later in the green room we were alone, again. 'You weren't acting Y/N.' stated Jodie all of a sudden. I peeped at her over the rim of my coffee mug.

'No. I didn't need too.' I suddenly felt so confident in myself. Was it because we had actually.....you know. It felt so......real.

But Jodie still might've been acting. After all, look at how many times she's been selected for TV awards and stuff, and won. She's one of greatest actresses I know, or the world knows.

How wrong I was.

'Neither did I.' It was blunt, but it contained etches of loving and sensitivity in there. And she wasn't doing much about hiding it either.