X1 imagines

To My Youth

These days, we don't have schedules. Everyone already retired to their own rooms, I did the same. I turn my speaker on and played some music.

I put out some things I bought from our last schedule in Thailand. The controversy really hit the members hard.

At some point, I used to wish I would disappear from this world
The whole world seemed so dark and I cried every night

That time it hit Seungwoo hyung and Seungyoun the hardest being the two eldest one in our group. I remember those times where issues hit me the hardest.

Will I feel better if I just disappeared?
I was so afraid of everyone's eyes on me

Everyone's eyes are on me. People are talking about me and the things I was blamed but, I never did any of them. My friends even defended me on public yet, people didn't believe even just once.

During those beautifully beautiful days, I was in pain
I hated myself for not being able to receive love

I really hate everything back then. I hated myself for not being able to love. I took a time off from being an artist.

My mom and my dad, they're only looking at me
It's not how I really feel but I keep getting farther away

I stayed at home all the time. I rarely go out. I was afraid that someone might recognize me and talk bad things that I never did. One night, like this one, my mom went to my room and talked to me. She said dad always think about me. She said that he always believe and cheer on me.

What do I do?
What do I do?
What do I do?
What do I do?

I was moved by the love my parents have. I really tried hard to get myself together and change.

The saying time is medicine was really true for me
As the days went by, I really got better

I went back with my group and joined them on our comeback. I changed yet, I started to be better than I was before. A chance came and I joined the program. It is hard to go back to trainee life but, I accepted the challenge. I want to enrich my talents and I want people to see my efforts and resolve as an artist.

I was happy to meet a lot of friends and fortunately, I became a part of X1. I was glad to meet these 10 new brothers whom I loved like a family in a short span of time.

But sometimes, when I'm too happy, I'm afraid I'll be in pain again
I'm afraid that someone will take away this happiness

I was the happiest to be able to debut again and received a lot of love that I never thought of having. Together with the members, we aim to soar and fly higher. But, like this song I once sang while in the program, when I am too happy, I am afraid that I will experience pain again.

Those beautifully beautiful memories were so painful
I was hurting and hurting but the pain wouldn't go away

The controversy about votes started and our group became really affected. It might be unnoticeable but, it affect us one by one. Some people started to have doubts about us but we keep getting further until one by one, our schedules became affected. There are a lot of cancelled events that are set for us to do. I can see the younger guys became affected too even those guys who are usually energetic became awfully quiet these days.

My friends, all these people, they're only looking at me
This isn't how I really am but I keep getting farther away

My mind were also swarmed with thoughts when those news pop up. Is it going to be like the last time all over again? Is this the end of our dream? Why is this happening? Why do I have to experience this again? Those pain and sadness are creeping to me all over again but, when I look at my dongsaengs, I pushed those thoughts away. I have to be strong for them as one of the eldest in the group. I could not let my brothers to experience the same pain I went through.

But still, maybe I can be
A bright light in this world
Maybe after all of that pain
I can shortly shine a light
So I couldn't give up

I believe we will get through this together, we will be able to see pass this challenge laid on us and we will be able to continue doing what we love. That last trip to Thailand we had, we are supposed to take VIP entrance to the airport instead of the usual path we always take. But that time, I suggested to do what we always do. We didn't done anything wrong to hide. We couldn't just give up like that.

Seungwoo hyung is not a good condition that day, he is the most anxious one in this idea yet he agreed on my suggestion.

I couldn't fall asleep peacefully for a single night
Because maybe if I keep trying to get up like this
I will find myself

I was anxious about going to public too, I couldn't sleep peacefully to be honest yet, I can't let those feelings get in the way. That night, I bravely suggested to go out first. I am ready to lead my team when our leader can't. I am ready to help. I am not that Kim Wooseok who is vulnerable this time round. I held my head up and show everyone our courage to walk on this path. I gather all the courage and confidence I have to face the reporters and our fans.

I heard their words, those reporters who think badly about us. But, I ignore them. I bear their painful words and walk with confidence. I have to do this not just for me but, for my brothers who needs me. We safely carry out our schedules in Thailand and we got back in the same manner.

How painful must it have been?

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my door. "Hyung~ let's sleep together." It was Hyeongjun. I saw the other members are setting up their comforter on the living room. They were all carrying their pillows. He never let me speak and pulled me outside and I willingly joined them.

How painful must it have been?
How high must my hopes have been?

It is painful, my hopes are high that I can make it through every tough situation now that I have them with me.