Ready set, not yet

45 0 0

by XXXFlamestormXXX

by XXXFlamestormXXX

ADAM:
Look at this crib, in all of it's glorious antiquary. Every curve and surface speaks to me. Saying pamper and spoil me, sand me and oil me.
Come on!
I know to the untrained eye it's boring, but nothing's chore when you're restoring. Apart from frustration, pain and financial drain.
It's fun!

Folks say Adam:
Why do you polish your crib when you don't have a kid? And even if you did have a kid, this crib is too precious for placing a baby inside it. So it simply exists to remind you. Your sense of perfection is just a reflection that you are not mentally prepared to make room for a kid!
Adam, why don't you live?
Adam, just make a start.
Are you willing to take the next step?
Ready set...
Ready set...

BARBARA:
Look at these jugs! Amazingly glazed and terracotta-ery. I took some clay and made you pottery. The world will never wreck you I'll protect you in a mother's embrace.

Folks say Barbara:
Why can't you see that ceramics is simply a manifestation of motherly panic. By making a baby that's breakable. Aren't you creating a way of translating the terror of making material mistakes into clay. Hiding away so you don't have to face being a bad mom!
Barbara, that's what you've done!
Barbara, just make a start.
Are you willing to take the next step?
Ready set...

BOTH:
Here we stand. At the end of a 10-year plan. A house, a yard, a minivan, a baby should be next. Together let's leap off the cliff. Fall forever, then smash to bits. Trapped in a terrifying viper pit, of diapers and regret. Are we willing to take the next step?

ADAM (BARBRA) BOTH:
Ready set
(Ready set)
Not yet,
(Not yet,)
Not now.
(Not now)
Soon enough our hopes and our dreams will be crushed.
(But not yet!)
Not yet!
(Not now)

ADAM:
Ooooh?
No!
See? We can't start a family in a house with creaky floorboards.

BARBARA:
You are absolutely right, let's ad it to the list with the cracks in the plaster.

ADAM:
The wi-fi should be faster

BARBARA:
This sofa needs a caster!

ADAM:
The bathroom's a disaster!

BARBARA:
What about global poverty?

ADAM:
What about world peace?

BARBARA:
Then there's the whole darn economy.

ADAM:
The whole Middle East.

BARBARA:
We should learn Mandarin

ADAM:
Yea, or Spanish at least!

BOTH:
No habla Español. Dos cervezas por favor.
And that's all we got. And that's not a lot. Do we want a bilingual household or not?
So let's go slow, no breaking a sweat. What's the point of having children if we're drowning in dept.

BARBARA:
Now we're totally!

ADAM:
Completely!

BARBARA:
Maybe eighty percent.

ADAM:
I'd say seventy-eight.

BOTH (BETELGEUSE):
Ready to take the next step.
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
The next step.
(Zooby dooby dooby, dooby dop and bow!)
The next step.
(Zweeby, beeby, boo-bah-bah-dee!))
The next step!
Ready set let's...

BETELGEUSE:
See I wasn't kidding, it's a show about death!