Don't Wake Me Up - Shawn Mendes

PART THIRTY ONE - Mature Content

 I get to Shawn's place, and I text him to buzz me in since I gave back my key. That should be my first sign to turn back. I make my way up and slowly turn the door knob to find it unlocked. When I get in, the shades are drawn and the apartment is submerged in darkness despite the sunny afternoon. Shawn hears me come in and immediately gets up and meets me. I'm standing in the open space between the kitchen and the living room, on the same spot I stood this morning as I wept silently. Shawn throws his arms around me and pulls me in a tight embrace. I don't reciprocate it right away, suddenly regretting how good it feels and how painful it will be to leave again.

"Shawn..." I start.

He falls to his knees, his arms still tight around my body, his head against my stomach.

"No, please. Don't say anything," he pleads.

I can't help but run my fingers softly through his hair. He might think I'm comforting him, but I'm doing it for me. One last time.

"Shawn, get up. Come here," I say as I lead him to the couch.

We sit there, cuddled into each other, still not talking. There are no more words left to say. I feel Shawn's gaze on me. He stops tracing on my thigh and brings his hand to the side of my face. He's not moving forward, he's just petting my cheek slowly with his thumb. And that's when I feel myself inch a bit closer to him. He does the same. Our noses touch. I can feel him move his face closer and take it back in the same second. When he does it again, I also bring my face forward and our lips meet.

If everything that came before that was gentle, this kiss was anything but. To describe it in one word: urgency. It's like every atom in each of our bodies is suddenly drawn to the other. I can taste the saltiness of dried tears on the corner of Shawn's mouth. We would usually smile and laugh as we kissed, but not this time. It all goes so fast. Shawn lifts my shirt and chucks it away. I get up and grab his belt as he takes off his shirt and throws it in the same direction as he did mine. We undress each other as we make our way to his bedroom, still kissing. The passion is turning into aggression. Shawn pins me against the door frame, bitting on my lip, pulling it in between his teeth. I try to look away, but he brings his hand up to my neck. With his index and thumb on each side of my jaw, he blocks my movement and brings his face down to mine. I slide my hands up to his back, pulling his lower half towards me. As if he could read my mind, Shawn places his hands on the small of my back and drags me to the bed. He sits on it and I straddle him. That way, the height difference is no more. His hands are firmly grasping at my hips. I run my hand on the nape of his neck and tangle my fingers in his curls.

I grab a fistful and hold his head still. I pull it back, exposing his neck and taking control of his head now. For the first time today, I see a grin spread across his face — he loves it when I take charge. I lick from his collar bone up to his ear lobe. I bite on it, still keeping him from moving his head. I start kissing his neck, sucking on one spot in particular. The skin a bit tender, I lick over it and pull my face away to look at Shawn. His eyes are closed and that grin is still lighting up his face. I let go of his curls only to grab onto them harder. I go back to his neck, seeing the faint hint of purple starting to stain his skin. I keep grazing it with my teeth and sucking on the spot. I know he's not mine to brand anymore, but I can make sure the next one knows I was here first.

I ruffle his hair and let go. I grab onto his shoulders as I feel him reach down with his fingers. His skin feels a tad rough against me, and he must see the expression on my face change as he slides two fingers all the way in. I start moving my hips as I moan for more. He rapidly pulls them out and then in again. I start digging my finger nails in his back as I throw my head over his shoulder. After a few taps on my sweet spot, I need bigger. Harder.

"Take me. Now," I order Shawn as I get off him.

I get on all fours and throw my hair to the side to look behind me. I see Shawn lick his lips as he puts both his hands on my ass. He slaps it, harder than he's ever spanked me. I hear him shuffle in the drawer for a condom as I repeat:

"Now, baby, now!"

I feel him in and I arch my back in a quiver. He goes in deep and keeps going. I can feel his hands on my hips, on my ass, and then they run up my back as he slows down the pace. He kisses my spine sloppily and pulls out. He shoves me to the side so I lie on the bed and flips me on my back. He brings both my legs up towards my face, as far as they go, and holds them like this with his upper body as he enters me again. I stay like this, unable to move, and Shawn picks up the pace.

"Fuck. Fuck! Sha-ah!"

I lay there as the endorphins rush through my body still. After a few minutes, I get up, and Shawn grabs my arm:

"Hey babe, ready for round two?" he says as he smirks in my direction.

"What?" I look at him, puzzled. "No Shawn, I think I better go home now," I say as I try to retrieve my clothes from all over the place.

He also gets up and puts on his boxer briefs. He grabs my shirt from the floor, but doesn't hand it to me.

"What do you mean?" he says, not understanding me. "Stay, I'll try cooking us something."

"Shawn... This was great, but it doesn't change anything," I tell him. "We're still broken up."

"What? Alice," he says as he spots the scratch marks I left on his back in his reflexion in the window, "that's not the work of two people who are broken up."

He gets me to laugh through my nose, but I quickly reply:

"It can be if they know it's the last time they'll be together."

"The last time, eh?" he says, hinting he knows something I don't.

"Shawn, I told you. I can't do this. I'm gonna go."

"Your clothes were saying something different on my bedroom floor, baby," he says as he walks behind me to the door.

He pulls me in a last hug before I go, and kisses the top of my head.

"You'll be back, I know it."