Don't Wake Me Up - Shawn Mendes

PART FORTY SIX

 We get in bed to hold each other as we fall asleep one last time. Under the covers, in the darkness of the room, I can't see Shawn, but I can feel him. I can feel his chest rise and fall with every breath he takes, I can feel his expression go soft and peaceful, I can feel his messy curls falling on his face. I don't need to see him to know exactly what he looks like. And that image puts a smile on my face.

I realize that I should set an alarm to get up tomorrow morning and have enough time to make it to the airport.

"Baby, can you hand me my phone?" I whisper to Shawn.

He slowly opens his eyes and rolls over to get my phone and hands it to me.

"Why do you need your phone right now, babe?" he asks in a yawn.

"I'm just setting an alarm. My flight is at 10, I wanna get to the airport around 7:30? 8 o'clock?"

"Yeah, but why do you need an alarm?"

"Uhm, because I will never wake up at 7 on my own!" I reply.

"Wait, babe?" Shawn asks, now wide awake, propping himself up on his arm. "Why do you need to wake up so early if you fly out at night?" he asks, now worried.

"Wha- At night? No, Shawn, I fly out at 10 AM!"

The faint light from my phone screen is enough to allow me to see the disappointment and the sadness on his face. He really thought we still had a day together.

"No! Alice, check again. I'm sure it's at night! You can't leave in the morning, we're supposed to have a lazy morning in bed and order fancy room service breakfast," he says in almost a panic.

"Babe, I thought you knew! I'm sorry," I say as I scoot closer to him to awkwardly pull him close to me.

He brings his face up to my face and kisses me. A gentle, slow kiss. A kiss so passionate I feel like his whole body is kissing me. A kiss to say goodbye.

We don't say another word that night. We fall asleep in each other's arms, only to wake up to a glittery soft sound, getting louder and louder until someone finally stops it. I kiss Shawn to wake him, but he barely grunts and keeps sleeping. I get up to get dressed and gather my stuff. After twenty minutes, I'm ready to go, and since it's too early, I sit on the edge of the bed, right next to Shawn.

"Babe, I'm about to go. I know you'd want me to wake you," I say in a soft whisper.

Still nothing but grunts. I have a bit of time, so I take my hand and run it over his arm, and in his hair. I'm so gonna miss playing with his hair. I keep running my fingers through his curls and massaging his scalp when he finally wakes up, a smile spreading on his face. When he opens his eyes, he sees me, all dressed with shoes on, and he's reminded that I'm on my way out.

"Oh Alice! Why didn't you wake me?" he asks.

"Babe, are you kidding? I tried! Many times! But you'd grunt at me and fall back to sleep. And you know how grumpy you are when you're woken up too abruptly! I didn't want to be the cause of it. Besides, I enjoyed watching you sleep a bit."

He smiles and sits up so he can snake his arms around me and pull me to him.

"How is this even harder than the first time?" he asks.

"Ah sweetie! We did it once, we can do it again."

I hug him even tighter. We're cut off by my second alarm ringing, reminding me I should get on my way downstairs now. I get up to reach for my phone to stop it, and Shawn gets up with me. He brings his palm to the side of my face and pushes it backwards to plant a kiss on my lips. I kiss him back, wrapping my arms around his small waist and bringing my hands up on his back, towards his broad shoulders. I touch him one last time, and finally separate our lips to say one last "I love you" and grab my things. Shawn stays back and watches me leave, powerless.

Shawn's POV

I watch Alice leave, and the door hasn't even closed that I already miss her. Being with her the last few days was like a vacation in itself, it lifted a kind of weight that had been pressing down on me since the beginning of tour. It was stressful to be apart from her, especially after the whole almost-break-up. Then, the distance was kind to us, we were able to text and talk and Facetime a whole lot, but not being able to hold her in my arms was the hardest part.

Now, finally seeing her and being able to feel her presence, to touch her, to see her react to the world around us... I felt in a dream. I didn't know I missed these banal things until I noticed them again. And now she's gone. As fast as she arrived. But if means I get another weekend of pure bliss when I go back home, I think I can handle a few more weeks apart.

I'm up and awake, so I don't really feel like going back to bed. I get in the shower and start my day. Andrew will be happy to see me on time! I pack my things, the process of moving from city to city is now a routine for me. I thought I'd have the morning with Alice, so we booked a later flight, giving me a lot of down time today. I text Brian to tell him, so that we hang out and explore a bit today.

"Hey man, Alice just left. We don't have to be at the airport until 6pm, wanna go get breakfast somewhere?"

We ended up spending the whole day out on the town. We came across a lot of fans, still, but they were all very respectful and we had a good day. The flight was uneventful, as was the drive to the next hotel. Or maybe it's just this hollowness I feel that makes everything a bit grey. I guess I'm still in Alice withdrawal...

I wake up the next morning, feeling the energy come back. I have a show tonight, a new arena to see, new people to sing to. I still feel like something is missing, though. I shake it off as I get ready for the day.

Rehearsal goes well, the show goes well, but it doesn't feel the same. That night, I can't wait to get back to the hotel and call Alice. When I dial the number, I'm sent straight to voicemail. I guess she was exhausted from the traveling and the different time zones and went to bed early. *Hi it's Alice, smile and speak at the beep!*

"Hi darling. I hope you had a safe flight. I miss you already. I had another show tonight. And I mean, it went well, I had a lot of fun, but it's not the same. I feel like this time, you left with... like, a piece of me? Is that too much? Are you cringing right now? I'm sorry," I laugh. "I just can't help but look for that feeling I'm missing. Like performing tonight wasn't the same without you to see me. I know it's incredibly selfish, and I always give my all and care a lot, but I couldn't help it. I should go to sleep now, I have to fly out again tomorrow for another show. Text me when you get this, okay? I love you."

I hang up and just lie awake in bed. I run my hand on the cold sheets besides me where Alice should be lying, and fall asleep.

The next weeks are a lot of the same. The cities are beautiful, the coffee is rich and the crowds are loud, but there's still a bit missing from it all. And I have a feeling I'll get it back when I go back home. Fortunately, I fly out tonight, right after the show! I know I should've stayed at the hotel one more night, but I'll take the red-eye and sleep on the plane. And I'll be back home in time to hold Alice as she falls asleep. And that gives me the energy for the best show yet so far! The confetti cannons pop, and I just into the crowd. There's so many lovely faces, so much love being passed around, and I know I'll also miss this when it's over, so I soak up every second of it.

The rest of that very long night happens in a flash. The show ended and I was already being rushed in a van that rushed to the airport. We were brought to your gate on one of those little cart and boarded as quickly. I feel asleep before we even took off, and Brian made sure no one woke me. I woke up a few times during the flight, mostly to eat or pee, but fell right back to sleep. Nothing like the hum of the plane motor and the promise of home to lull me to sleep.

At the airport, I kept my shades and my hood on, trying not to attract any attention. There wasn't a crowd like there usually is, since no one thought I'd fly out on the same day as the last show, and I was able to explain quickly that I won't be taking pictures tonight, because I'm simply ready to drop. They understand and I'm so grateful to have the best fans in the world. The Uber takes me home, and the elevator feels like the slowest it's ever been. I walk down the hall and fish my key out of my bag. I haven't used it in months, and I never thought I'd make a big deal of that! I turn it into the lock to finally open the door to my place.

"Honey, I'm home!"

* FIN *