Don't Wake Me Up - Shawn Mendes

PART FORTY TWO

 The cold finally became too much to take, so I get up off of Shawn and drag him to the bed. We both lie under the covers, still hugging. His arms are all the way around me, on my bare skin, and my head rests on his chest. I close my eyes and focus on the rhythmic beating of his heart. It's in perfect sync with his breathing, bringing my head up and down as his chest rises and falls. I'm calmly bringing a hand up to lay it next to my face when I notice the beating going faster. And faster.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask Shawn.

"Nothing," he tries to convince me.

"Babe, like this, I'm like a human lie detector. Your heart is going a mile a minute. What's going on?"

"Wow, it does!" Shawn says, unaware that his heart was beating any differently. "Uhm, I was just thinking about tomorrow..." he stops.

"What about tomorrow?" I ask, clueless.

"You know, taking the plane together... No one knows I'm here in Seville, but they all know where I'm landing, and there's gonna be a lot of people at the airport, and at the hotel. I don't know how you want to... proceed," he says.

"Oh."

I understand now. I was so happy to finally be with Shawn again that I had completely forgotten about any other details. Other details like the gaggle of fans following my secret boyfriend around. Am I ready for us to be public? To have my whole life changed in an instant? Is it worth being free of this secret and this hiding? Or will I crumble under the scrutiny and the hate? This is a big step I'd be taking. One I know I need to think about more, and at a more objective time. Because right now, I love Shawn Mendes so much I need to scream it from the mountain tops! I've missed him for so long I never want him to leave my sight again! But I know the private and independent person I usually am might regret this.

We've been silent for a while now. Shawn knows I'm thinking, and that at times like these, it's best not to disturb my thoughts. I finally break the silence.

"Yeah, my heart is beating fast, now, too."

He laughs with me.

"What do you want to do? I don't want to force you into anything, whether it be coming out or hiding," he tells me.

"I think it's best if we're not seen together just yet. I need to think more. Plan this better. They know you're seeing someone now, so they'll know right away. And we need to control this- I need to control this," I say as he nudges me.

I smile, and hug him harder. He squeezes me, too, and kisses my head.

"I know, and that's fine. Totally understandable. I'm just so happy you're finally here. And you'll see me perform. I'm so excited for you to be at the concert."

I can hear his smile, so I prop myself up on my arms to look at it, too. It makes me smile, and I bring my body forward to kiss him lightly on the lips. I turn back to lie on my side, and I whisper good night before dozing off.

We wake up quite early the next morning to pack everything and have breakfast before having to go to the airport. We get there, and the check-in is fine. There doesn't seem to be anyone at the airport in Seville, so our cover is safe. Since we have priority boarding, we don't have to wait long in the actual airport, and we're shown to our seats on the plane. We changed them not to be next to one another, and since I have a bit of work to do anyway, I take advantage of the 4 hour flight to take out my laptop and reply to some emails.

I often feel Shawn's glance on me, and it takes everything in my power not to get up and go see him. I don't think anyone else in first class would actually know what they're looking at... No. I shouldn't. I blow him a kiss to tease him, and go back to my emails.

We land, and I follow the plan we already established before leaving Seville: I get off the plane on my own and walk to the cab line. I give them the address of the hotel, where I'll be able to check in under a fake name. Shawn will take a while to say hi to everyone and take pictures, leaving me plenty of time to get there, unnoticed. Once I'm in the room, I just wait for him to get back.

Everything goes according to plan, and Shawn meets me about an hour later. We can finally hug and kiss, now that there are no eyes on either of us. As Shawn picks me up and spins me in the air, I throw my head back and laugh. We can hear Brian, who just checked in at the same time as Shawn, bang on the wall and say through it:

"Hey, no funny business, you guys! I don't wanna hear that!"

"Ear plugs, my dude!" Shawn yells back, as he stares me down and bites his lip.

"Shawn!" I playfully slap his arm. "It's not even 5 o'clock. We should go explore!"

"Well, that's gonna be hard to do together, babe. How about we just stay in here. I can find something for us to do!"

"You are incorrigible!" I laugh as I walk to where I put down my stuff.

I grab my bag, my phone and my shades, and I head for the door.

"Well, I'm going out for a walk! You need to focus, babe. You're not on vacation anymore. And if I keep distracting you like that, I won't be welcomed back!"

I blow a kiss, and the door slams shut behind me.