The Deep End

6

Chapter Song: Jet Lag- Gavin Haley

At first, he scoffed while his deep brown eyes rolled towards the back of his head. Next thing I knew he inched closer towards me never breaking eye contact. Within a blink of an eye, he moved his hand underneath something, and then there was popcorn all over my body clinging to the fabric of my shirt and probably my hair.

I let out a small gasp after realizing I was holding my breath. I shot up instantly lunging for the bowl. I wanted to rip it from his hands and hit him with it but I knew it was useless. His grip was way too strong to even try. 

I still reached for it anyways. Instead of tightening his grip, he did the opposite letting the plastic fall to the ground. Instead, he stood there with his hands wrapped around mine. It felt all too familiar but all new at the same time.

I wanted to let go.

I should let go.

But I didn't.

So we stood there in silence. Neither one of us dared to make a move. I could feel my body tense up or one of his muscles twitch, but neither one of us broke. I could feel him leaning closer to me, just barely. The electricity was growing. I began to lean in closer, unsure of what would happen next.

Just when I thought the unexpected was actually going to happen he started coughing hysterically. He had such a fit that he had tears in his eyes when the coughs subsided. I offered him my water without saying a word turning towards the yard in front of us leaning forward on the rail.

I didn't know if it was a real cough or he was just really good at faking a cough, but nonetheless what I thought was supposed to be an intimate moment wasn't. It's not that I wanted it to actually happen. Well maybe a little bit, but I wasn't hopeful. It just didn't seem like it would happen, even if I wanted it. It couldn't happen. We had rules.

Why did I just do that? Honestly Ken.

"So wasn't I supposed to find you and not the other way around?" I stayed where I was, not knowing if I should move closer towards him. I wanted to but, I was a little hesitant after that coughing fit. I didn't want to risk getting sick either.

"Well you wanted to ignore me earlier so here I am." He fake pouted bottom lip and all.

I rolled my eyes, "you and Tyler looked pretty intense over there plus you acted like I didn't exist during beer pong so." I didn't finish the sentence. I let it fade as I leaned my head against one of my arms directing all my attention towards Cal.

"Oh, that?" He looked off rubbing his hand on the back of his neck in hesitation, "uh it was nothing." He smiled. "Just stupid car stuff."

"Okayyy..." I brushed it off but couldn't help feel the stench of awkwardness in the air. He still didn't explain why he ignored me during beer pong.

Normally he was always playful and we shared some banter. Kind of like Tyler and I, but slightly less annoying. It still was a little weird. I swore ever since him and Liam came back from their lacrosse camp he was just different. I kind of wish it was how it used to be.

I started to laugh to myself thinking about how I wished to be in the friendzone. It seemed much more idealistic than the whatever-we-were-calling-this zone. What were we calling it? Hey-I-like-you-but-we-can't-date-each-other-ever-made-up-by-rules-from-my-brother? An interesting name to it.

"You look nice tonight." He said politely interrupting my thoughts.

"Oh uh thank you." I shrugged unsure of what to do. 

Cal never complimented me. None of the guys did really unless they were trying to prove a point. Which kind of was a once-a-week occurrence. I didn't mind it, I thought it was funny. My dad also taught me that I didn't need male approval for my own validation, so I had that going for me. 

"Why did you want me to meet you here?" It came out more like a whisper as if I was nervous to ask such a thing. I watched as he put his hands in his pockets letting out a low breath.

He turned towards me and brushed a stray curl away from my eyes. Actually, it was a piece of popcorn stuck in my hair that he threw at my nose and we watched as it bounced into the lawn. I rolled my eyes and focused back on the night. I thought there was going to be something there, but I guess not. Same old goofy Cal McCormick.

"I don't know?" He seemed to question himself. "I guess I just hadn't seen you in a while and wanted to hang out. I felt like we haven't really gotten to do that lately." He shrugged as if it were simple.

"You're over at my house like every day." I laughed at him nudging his shoulder.

I smiled when he nudged me back. I smiled a little bigger when he didn't move away. Partially because I was a little cold out here, but also because it was nice to have his comfort.

"You know what I mean." He winced. It pained him to say he wanted to hang out with me. Oh, the power I had. 

"Mmm... I don't think I do." I said clucking my tongue.

"I just." He sighed "I've been thinking a lot over the summer and I guess I just miss how things used to be with everyone." He gripped the railing to hold himself steady. "I mean I just wish we could all hang out again like we did at the start of high school," he added.

"That was a long time ago McCormick." I snuck a glance at him. All I saw was the look of yearning as if he was nostalgic towards the good ole days.

I couldn't blame him. We all kind of started doing our own things once we got to high school. It wasn't anything personal. We just sought out our own interests. For the most part, we all stayed really close. It just got a little weird when Noelle came into the picture.

"Do you think it's too late?"

"Too late for what?" I leaned back against the rail to face him.

"For the gang to get back together again." He threw his hands out in front of him like he was showing something off as he smiled.

"I think it's possible." A playful smile crossed my lips.

"Truth or lie." He looked at me eagerly waiting for a response.

"Go for it." I nodded.

"You're glad Noelle and I broke up." He said.

I paused for a moment. I felt my lip twitch and tried to bite it to stop. It didn't work. It wasn't that I was happy. I was never a huge fan of her but if she made him happy I couldn't be mad.

"Both." I finally said letting out a low breath.

"Why?" he huffed putting his hand on his hip leaning against the other on the rail.

"Well because." I paused again unsure of how to explain it. "If she made you happy then I couldn't be mad. Because that's what really mattered right? But if she was a huge jerk to you then you didn't need to waste your time." I shrugged.

"See! There's the Parker I know," He smiled hitting the inside of my elbow causing me to fall over.

I glared at him as soon as I regained my balance. He started to laugh which caused his dimples to show. So I did what I had to do, I kicked him in the shin. He let out a cry in pain which caused me to laugh. It wasn't a hard kick. I knew he was being dramatic.

I wasn't going to admit it, but I had missed him too. Almost too much.

Maybe it would be good for everyone to start hanging out again. Who knows, maybe it would give me closure on these feelings, and that I can actually leave them in the past and move on. That they were just a schoolgirl crush. I didn't actually like Cal McCormick. It was curiosity. That was all.

I'm sure these feelings were just random and not actual feelings at all. Heck, they weren't even actual feelings more like ideas.

I began to mindlessly chew on my thumbnail while I thought about the idea of Cal and I. It seemed silly to think about the idea of Cal McCormick actually liking me and not seeing me as his best friend's sister.

I began to watch him fidget with his hands while I weighed the pros and cons of the rules. We couldn't date. That was that. Maybe the feelings just came because of the rules telling us not to. They weren't real feelings. I couldn't help but wish they were the real thing.