paper thin walls , words that kill . you speak about me as if i'm not here . you speak about me as if you don't want me . you speak about me as if i'm not yours .
if only i could be like her , do what she does , live the way she does .
if only i was a duplicate of her .
but i'm not her , and i never will be .
i don't like interacting , being social or voicing my thoughts .
i don't like going out , being the centre of attention or living my life in the spotlight .
i prefer silence , my head between the pages of my favourite book , dreaming and drifting .
you think i'm weird , too different for your liking .
but i thought you'd love me regardless ? even though i was different , even though we didn't really have much of an relationship .
she's perfect in your eyes while i'm imperfect .
she does nothing wrong while i do everything wrong .
it kills me to compare myself to perfection when i know i'd never be able to measure up , nothing more , mostly less .
most days i wish you'd never had me .
no , i don't wish to wipe out my existence , and this is definitely not an suicidal plea .
i like my life , just when you're not around .
maybe if i wasn't a mistake ? maybe if i didn't complicate your life as much ? maybe if i wasn't conceived when you didn't exactly plan my arrival ? you'd love me more . you'd accept me .
but i can't change the past and neither can you .
you're stuck with me , so you'd rather utter hurtful words and use your superiority to belittle me each time you compare me to her .
you're supposed to love me , but all you seem to do is resent me .
i'm sorry that i exist , birthgiver .
