Craig
His body that once had belonged to me. A heart that had my name erased from it.
I wish I could feel him. I wish I could feel his body against mine once more. Though I can't.
I'd like to be inside of him again. I wish I could be... but I had to let him go.
I regret letting him go, with all my heart I do. If only I had some self control. If only I had had some FUCKING self control! Then maybe I wouldn't be in this situation.
I kissed him. I kissed Tweek. Because of my small amount of self control. Because of the pity I had felt when he had cried on me. When he told me he thought I was beautiful, when he cupped my cheek and leaned in close, then kissed me. As Stan watched on in horror. When we parted Stan came up and asked what was wrong with me, and why I did what I had done. I just stared at him. Afraid.
And then it was over.
And all I know now, is that I want him back. I need him back.
I've been trying, but his friends are like bodyguards at school, and I know they're always around when he's at home. I can't get a moment alone with him. We used to always have moments alone... just to be together...
As soon as the bell rings, I groan and pull myself up and head home. Looking around to see if I can see him. I catch a glimpse before Kyle and I make eye contact and he gives me the finger. I walk over to the two, I need him...
"Last time I checked, the middle finger didn't mean 'come here'" Kyle growls.
"Stan I haven't had time to talk I want a moment alone I want to explain you just have to know, please... I want you to know..." I ignore Kyle and go over to grip Stan's jacket.
He's silent, but avoiding eye contact as well. I take that as an invitation to continue speaking.
"Stan, I know what happened was wrong, I know it was, okay? I'm guilty and a shitty Person and you can tell and be upset all you want... but that'll never change the fact that I love you... I love you and I don't think I ever won't. I don't think I'll ever find anyone I love as much as I love you... I haven't been able to get you out of my head... and I miss everything we had..."
He's still silent, but he seems like he's considering speaking... When I look at Kyle he's glaring at me, then looks at Stan.
"You aren't seriously considering this... are you?" He asks in a soft whisper. I glare at him. Stan looks at Kyle and shrugs
"Stan you... you know he's just going to do the same thing again... people like him don't change... they can't." I roll my eyes as Kyle talks
"You don't have to listen to him, Stan." I pipe in, my voice as soft as I can make it.
He nods, as if saying he's understanding my words, but doesn't speak.
"Stan..." he growls lowly "..he cheated on you."
Stan's voice is hoarse as he finally speaks "He didn't have sex with him..."
"You don't know that." Kyle responds, narrowing his eyes
"I'm a virgin. Kyle." I state
"And how can you trust that?" He asks Stan. I roll my eyes and sigh.
"It's your decision, in the end." I finish, I then walk away, very quickly and go home. At least I got something said to him... I can't stand Kyle though. Kyle has never liked me and will probably do anything to keep Stan and I apart... it was one kiss... one out of pity.
I go home and lay on the couch, watching red racer as my mom plays on her phone beside me. There's a knock at the door, and she gets up to get it. I hear a faint 'is Craig here?' and she comes over and messes with my hair.
"Stan is here to see you baby." She tells me, and I sit up. Looking at him standing out in the cold. There's a blizzard out there! I get up and quickly walk toward him, taking his wrist and leading him inside.
"It's too cold out there..." I say as I shut the door. I get a blanket from the couch and wrap him in it. Rubbing his arms to keep him warm. He's silent, and I give him a caring yet worried smile.
"Your eyes are beautiful.... always have been..." he tells me, and I blush.
"As are yours... like an oasis I could spend my life in." I say softly, we both aren't loud people. Mine comes from my family being quiet, and his comes from his family being too loud.
He cups my cheek and I can see the hesitation in his face. "Did you do anything with him?" He asks me.
"I kissed him." I tell Stan, no use in lying. "He was... he was crying and sad.. he said it would make him feel better... I knew it was wrong but... I couldn't stand to see him like that..." I can see the hurt in his eyes, and it kills me "But that's all that happened, I didn't have sex with him, I didn't kiss him any other time. That was all." He's silent.
His hand falls from my cheek and his arms wrap around me, pulling me against his chest.
"You've played with my heart quite a bit." He tells me, and I nod.
"I know... I know I did and I feel so bad for it... so guilty and... messed up... I love you, Stan... I don't want to hurt you..." He just hugs me. We sit there like that for a few moments. Then he pulls back and looks me in the eyes.
"I love you too, Craig.. a-and you won't do something like that again... right?" He asks, and I nod "never." He leans in and pecks me softly.
"Will you be my boyfriend again?" He asks
"What will Kyle think?"
"He's not happy about it... but it doesn't matter... I like you more..."
"I'd love to be your boyfriend again." I lean up and peck his lips, we exchange a few of those.
"Just mine..." he says, and I nod, not a moment of hesitance before I say
"Just yours."
