falling in love over a screen
gushing over texts at 8 pm
remembering each night we talked
but i only know your face
not your voice
and not your touch
and not your love
but you swear you'll give it to me one day.
the one time i called you
i thought my heart would beat out of my chest
i was so excited to hear your voice
the voice i've longed to hear for so long
i could barely get out a few sentences
but you were so indifferent
and hung up two minutes later.
for three years,
three summers you came back to me
and i gave myself to you
without any hesitation
all you had to say was, "i miss you"
and i'd fall in love with you all over again.
you swore you didn't meant to hurt me,
that you love me,
and i believed you.
maybe it was my fault that things finally ended
that you got so frustrated with me
that one night our relationship collapsed
for good.
you said you were done,
and that we were a thing of the past.
a thread binds me to you
it stretches from my heart to your fingertips
ready with scissors to cut the thin thread
because it's not even attached to you
but my heart longs for your name.
i'm mourning the ghost of someone who isn't even haunting me.
and now,
summer has passed,
the first one in three years i didn't talk to you.
i don't know what to make of it,
but i do know i still write poems about you
and that song still reminds me of you.
i know those three summers
were the best and worst of my life.
so sweet and so bitter at the same time,
waiting for you,
waiting for your pretty lies
and angry truths
but even when you scream that you don't love me
it doesn't stop my stubborn heart
from loving you.
