believe || madderton

10. don't let the sun go down

In the next few days I spent the time, strolling through the streets and doing my best never to get sober again. I had bought a warm jacket so I wouldn't freeze to death and already made friends with a homeless guy, who told me some tips and tricks how to survive on the street. He was the only person that I told about Richard and to my surprise, he was really supporting. He helped me to see things from another perspective and after one week, I really felt a bit better. My friends were worried why I didn't attend school, but I just told them that I had a really bad cold and would return soon. One day Ben told me that Richard hadn't shown up either, which startled me a bit, but Jack (my new homeless friend) meant, that I shouldn't waste too much thoughts on him, since he was sort of the only reason, I was still out here and not at home. He also meant, that he didn't understand why I prefered a life on the street over living at home with my parents, but I guess no one really understood it. Even I didn't understand it, I just had this feeling, that I couldn't go home yet. It would break me if I went home to my evil father with Richard next door.

One morning, I was just having breakfast with Jack under a tree, when I got a message from Ben.

"Hey mate, I've just seen Mrs. Blackbird and she told me to remember you, that you have your "concert" in three days. She's really looking forward to it, so if you're fit enough, I think she'd be glad if you'd come." 

I sighed and shut my phone off. Jack asked me what was wrong and I told him about this christmas concert in three days, were I was supposed to sing a song. He nodded and returned to his baguette. After a while he grinned and asked if I wanted to sing the song to him. I raised my eyebrows and chuckled. "What, right now?" He nodded, still chewing on the bread. I chuckled, but eventually decided that there wasn't really reason against it. I threw my cigarete away and cleared my throat. Then I started singing and as I was finished, I noticed that a few people had stopped to listen. Some of them cheered and gave me a few coins. I thanked them with a bright smile on my face. Jack patted my back with an approving smile and recommended to go to the concert. I didn't know if I would have done it before, but the smiles on the faces of the people encouraged me.

Three days later, I was heading to school with Jack and JB at my side. Jack had decided to join me, since he didn't have anything better to do and wanted to hear me sing again. Besides, he wanted to see this Richard, I had been talking about over and over.

Ten minutes before my performance, I was hiding behind the stage and warming up my voice. I had the feeling that Mrs. Blackbird was even more nervous than I was, but I tried not to let this affect me. I didn't know how long my serenity, that I felt at this moment, would last. Somehow, I felt...good. I wasn't as wasted as I was in the days before and since singing was my passion, I was already looking forward to it.

As I stepped on the stage, my heart stopped for a second. I had never sung infront of so many people. I noticed the serenity, I felt a few seconds before, fading and started sweating. My gaze overflew the crowd, but I didn't see Richard. Before I had the chance to calm down, the music started playing.

"I can't light no more of your darkness
All my pictures seem to fade to black and white..."

After the first few seconds, I already felt a bit safer and began to enjoy it. A little smile appeared on my face as I continued with a stronger voice.

"I'm growing tired and time stands still before me
Frozen here on the ladder of my life..."

I saw Jack in the last row with a proud smile on his face. In this moment I realized. He was like the father I never had. I smiled too and felt a warm feeling in my chest.

"It's much too late to save myself from falling
I took a chance and changed your way of life
But you misread my meaning when I met you
Closed the door and left me blinded by the light..."