Color of My Pain

13| Overflow

It was always something he suspected. Yoongi had the feeling that his mom tried. Call it instinct, intuition. The feeling was there. He tried not to blame her for the lack of effort; she might be trying her best.

But he awoke to quiet. And from the quiet arose harsh, angry whispers. A women's dark voice arguing against his father's unique tenor.

It had to be his mom. He wanted it to be his mom. He sat on the steps in his pajamas and socked feet, straining his ears intently to hear their words. He hoped to catch a glimpse of her, but he couldn't imagine himself that lucky.

"I just want to spend today with him."

"He's asleep. And he hasn't met his soulmate."

"I'll leave my number. He can call me and tell me. "

"I'm not letting you talk to him."

"Why? He's my son! You agreed! You said you'd let me see him." She huffed out. "I will fight you on this. I'll take it to court."

"You'll lose." Jooheon sniffed simply.

"What makes you so sure." The woman - his mother - snapped.

"Drunks don't win custody battles."

Yoongi was infuriated. That comment had to hurt.

"You said once I was clean. I am. You said 6 months sober. I've done that. The agreement is that I get to see Yoongi." She was choked up with emotion. "He's my baby."

"No he isn't. Hwasa, the moment you left is the moment lost him."

"You made me leave! You said I wasnt good enough and I needed to fix it before I could come back. I fixed it for you and now it's time for me to fix it with Yoongi." Hwasa was getting more upset, voice raising and cracking.

"Get out."

"Not until I see my son."

"Trash like you shouldn't be allowed to have children."

Yoongi's feet were already in motion. This was the most he'd heard his father say in years and all of it was bullshit. He pushed his way into the kitchen, already heaving in anger.

"No. You're trash. You're an abusive peice of trash that shouldn't be allowed within 50 ft of any child, let alone any person. " Yoongi's voice was dangerously low, anger seeping through his pores.

His mother stood in shock for a moment. Just a moment. Before it registered what Yoongi had accused Jooheon of. She was ready to speak, her mouth was working to retrieve the sound. But Yoongi wasn't finished.

"And I have met my soulmate. Jung Hoseok and he's the best person I've ever known. In two hours he showed me more love than you've done in almost 18 years. If my mom wants to fix things with me, you shouldn't get to decide that. I should."

Yoongi was staring his father down, red fading in and out of his vision in angry spots of emotion.

"You've hit my son?" Hwasa whispered.

"My son." Jooheon said in a measured tone. "And no Yoongi, you're still looking, your girl is still out there."

Yoongi's mom didn't seem to have the words. And Yoongi's chest felt tight with burning white. His throat was mauve from yelling. He shouldn't be affected by his dad's opinions. If he was homophobic Yoongi would still be okay. It didn't make sense why he felt so sick.

"Yoongi, let's go upstairs for your things."

She put a gentle hand on his shoulder and directed him up to his room. His dad followed, shaking with rage.

"Yoongi you arent going anywhere. Hwasa get out. You aren't gay Yoongi. Mins. Aren't. Gay."

"Yeah well I guess karmas a bitch Jooheon." Hwasa snapped.

"I told you to leave!" His dad roared.

Hwasa just went quiet. "I will be reporting you to the authorities, I suggest you let us leave Jooheon."

Yoongi's mom shut his door and helped him pull the things he'd need. "I can get you anything you'll still need. We'll get out of here and make a game plan." She managed.

Yoongi flinched. Beneath their feet the crashes and thumps of things being broken echoed through the house. His dad's continual yelling hurt his head. The phrase was ringing in his ears. Why would he say that? He kept shouting it. His voice was going hoarse from yelling against homosexuality.

Too many colors. There were always too many.

*****

Yoongi went first, straight through the door. His mom followed closely slamming the door closed.

In her small silver car she turned to Yoongi. "How does breakfast sound?"

"Sounds like a plan." He managed a smile.