Cloud Chasers

fourteen | nighthawks [pt. one]

The news hit harder than she expected it to. The sudden knot in her stomach, the lump in her throat, the chills running down her spine. She read and reread that first part before reading the rest.

For the next two or three days, don't try to reach me. I have stuff to arrange... I will get back to you asap.

In the midst of her empathetic feelings, which hadn't happened to her in a long time, she felt a selfish sadness. The last few days had been some of the best days of all her life, and the thought that Chase wouldn't be around in the next ones made her sad. She shook her head. Her not having fun didn't even compare with the tragedy that happened to him. She read the rest of the text.

Don't worry about me, Blackbird. I'm fine. You do your things. When I'm back, it's going to be like I never left.

She knew Chase intended that last part to reassure her, but she couldn't help but feel anxious. Like I never left. Sure, his mom was in bad shape and wasn't there for him, but she was still his mom. Did he not care about her? Did her death mean nothing to him? Or was he just faking it?

Joyce hated not addressing the elephant in the room. Many people in the past had clear issues and didn't talk about them. She knew she had to respect their decision, but pretending that nothing was wrong just didn't sit well with her. She wondered if Chase would act that way with her. If he would still laugh and have fun, as if her mom hadn't just died. She texted him back.

I'm so sorry, Chase. If you need me, I'm here at every hour of day and night.

That morning, she decided to take her breakfast to her room. She wasn't in the mood for friendly conversations with Kuni.

But, at lunchtime, she couldn't avoid meeting her. Kuni, of course, was the first one to talk and ask random questions, to which Joyce answered with monosyllables at best. She fought the need to go eat in her room, and sat down at the kitchen table with her.

"I don't know what the deal is between you and Chase," Kuni began without anyone asking. "I don't know what it is that you two do all day. But did you ever stop to think that maybe whatever you do is isolating you from the outside world even more?"

In other circumstances, the prying would have bothered her. But she could see in Kuni's eyes that she was picking her words carefully.

"Well, maybe we don't need the outside world. Maybe we have our own world and we're happy to live in it," she said.

A line etched between Kuni's brows. "But you don't really mean that. I mean, in the early days, you used to be like an open book to me. You wouldn't talk much about you, sure, but I could see certain things. You're not alienated by choice. You're alienated by events."

She slipped her a curious glance. Since when did Kuni know her so well? She'd always been careful not to let anything transpire. Maybe she wasn't that careful in the early days, when she was still healing and vulnerable.

"Of course," Kuni continued, "I know it's none of my business. But you always seemed so interesting to me. I've always seen a great potential in you. And that's why I feel sorry when I see you give in... when I see you leaning toward your bad side and forgetting about the good one."

Her words stung like fire. When she was younger, she knew she had potential. She thought quite highly of herself. She thought she'd become someone important. But now, she was much more disenchanted. The way people had painted her had tainted her self-view.

She sighed. "Well, Kuni, with all due respect, I don't need you to feel sorry for me."

When she went back to her room, in the early afternoon, the need to escape reality was stronger than ever. She spent a few hours in the real world, around real people, and that's what happened?Maybe she was, indeed, getting used to the weightlessness that came with the Lobby, but she didn't remember reality feeling this heavy.