Phoenix | hs au

12 - Stage-Fright

I was early to economics again. As I sat and waited for class to begin, I was also anxiously waiting for Peter to show up and presumably sit next to me. I watch the wall clock, checking the time every minute.

Two minutes until class starts, and Peter isn't here. I begin to wonder if he's going to show up? Of course he will, he told me yesterday that he'd see me today.

Unless something happened. Maybe something with his brother?

Katie, you hardly know anything about him. Maybe he's just late.

I unzip my backpack and get my notebook and pencil case out. By the time I set them on my desktop, Peter is sliding into the seat next to me.

"Rough morning?" Is all I ask upon his arrival.

"Forgot I had to get gas." He mutters, digging around in his backpack for a minute before revealing the pen I let him borrow last class. He sets it gently on my desk.

"Oh, thanks. I forgot about that." I slide it into my pencil case.

"I was worried you'd think I lost it." He chuckles, shrugging off his jacket. His hair is slightly rumpled on top, but his tight curls still compliment his angular face nicely.

"I wasn't too worried." I admit.

"Ah, well, good. Do anything interesting since Monday?" He asks, then adds, "Besides working at a super neat book store?"

"Not really." I say, then remember, "Actually, something did happen last night." I briefly explain Harry's band situation, glancing at my bruised knuckles when I tell him about how Finn quit. I leave out the punching-him-in-the-face part.

"So because they're short a member, I'm joining them at their show tonight. It's in Scottsdale, if you wanted to come."

He looks at me confused, "I didn't know you played an instrument."

"Actually," I begin blush, "I sing and play guitar."

"Oh wow, that's awesome." He says while beaming at me.

"If you don't come, that's fine, I just thought-"

"I don't think I've got any plans tonight. Maybe I'll swing by." He interrupts me excitedly. I smile back at him.

We don't talk much during class. When class is over, he tells me, "I've gotta run a few errands for my brother, so sadly I'll have to skip out on lunch." We walk out into the hallway together.

"That's okay, you're under no obligation to make me not look like a loser." I respond, quirking up the side of my lip slightly. Inside, I was a little disappointed. I really enjoyed his company.

"I'll see you tonight though. Maybe." He offers another smile before we have to part ways.

I eat lunch alone, in the same spot as before. I watch people walk up and down the stairs to the library until my afternoon class begins. I'm starting to get butterflies in my stomach and by the time class ends, I'm afraid I might throw up.

I drive home in silence, not even the music on the radio could lighten my mood. I take long, deep breaths. I've never been this nervous before; maybe I shouldn't have told Peter.

I skirt into the driveway and quickly pace into the house. Harry's in the shower when I get home: I hear the water running. I drop all my school stuff on my bed and continue taking long deep breaths. I flatten my hands on the comforter, feeling the softness beneath my fingertips. It helps to focus on something else. Stage-fright never hits me this hard.

I walk automatically to my closet and pull out the familiar leather case. I kneel down, unzipping the clunky zipper. I run my fingertips along the strings of my guitar. I know that once I get up on stage I'll be fine; I'll be able to be present in the moment. But until then, I have to deal with the anxiety of getting there.

I close the case and stand up, scouring my closet for the perfect outfit. While lost in my head, I don't hear Harry approaching. I don't know he's in my room until he gently winds his damp arms around my waist. I jump and he immediately unravels them.

"Oh, sorry." He murmurs, "I thought you knew I was here." I turn to face him.

"I was in my head." I say, looking past him at the clock on the oven. We have to get ready to leave.

"I don't know what to wear." He says, pursing his lips. His damp hair hangs in his eyes, dropping beads of water on his forehead.

"You always looks fine, I have no idea what to wear." I turn back to my closet, crossing my arms in frustration.

"Wear something you're comfortable in. You remember what songs we're doing, right?"

"Yes I remember, " I snap, "We went over it like eighty times last night with Ash."

"Sorry, I'm just checking." He apologizes, taking a step back.

I groan, "I'm so nervous, Harry, and I have no idea why."

"It's different." He says, "You're used to sitting in a corner and people not paying much attention. It's different tonight; you're going to be the center of attention."

"You're not helping." I rub my temples. It's been a while since I've had a migraine, though maybe I just jinxed myself.

"If you don't want to do it, I'm not forcing you. Ash and I can get through the set without you."

"That's not helping either."

"Sorry."

"Just let me get dressed and do my hair and we can go." I say, glaring at my closet.

Harry lands a kiss on my cheek before giving me some space. I'm grateful for how supportive he is, but also I wish he would just tell me I have to do this and quit complaining about it.

I pull out some black high-waisted pants with silver buttons and join them with a yellow ruffly top. This combination makes my curves stand out. I finish the look with black round-toe pumps.

I click into the bathroom, my shoes echoing on the wooden floors, and assess the hair and makeup situation. The dark circles under my eyes compliment my messy pony tail. I groan and go to work.

After my hair is curled and makeup applied is generously yet discreetly, I walk out into the living room. Harry is playing a game on his phone and doesn't look up immediately.

"Ready?" I ask, slinging my guitar case over my shoulder.

"Yes, are you sure you're okay with me playing your-" He stops short, "Wow you look great."

I look down at myself sheepishly, "Thanks, I try."

He stand sup and places a full kiss on my lips. I close my eyes and kiss him back. Just then, his phone rings. He sighs, pulling away to look at the screen.

"Ash is wondering where we are. Don't know why he's there so early..." He sends a short text back and we go on our way.

My nerves return during the car ride. Harry notices my deep breathing and asks if I'm okay.

"Yeah, I'm great, I just need to get there. I'll be fine."