no one would've expected me, a simple australian boy reaching for my dreams, to fall in love so easily, let alone with him.
it's a little funny, even, looking back at how i've always felt the same way, but chose to not acknowledge how fast i was falling, the truth that everyone so clearly saw.
i was in love.
i was in love with seo changbin.
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december 3rd 2017
that was the day.
that was the day of my surgery.
when i took the roses. when i got rid of them. when i stopped loving changbin.
how do i feel about it now? i don't know. i can't remember what it felt like.
what it felt like to love someone.
what it felt like to love changbin.
not that i don't love changbin, artificially, that is.
i can't, naturally at least, love him. it's no longer physically and emotionally possible for me to love him.
a shame, really.
because in the end, i wasn't the one who had suffer the major consequences.
ironically enough, changbin did love me. platonically at the time of the surgery, as told.
but as time went by, he started to develop and realize his true feelings for me. he started noticing the little things he missed from when i was capable of loving him. he started falling, slolwy, for who i used to be.
but i wasn't that felix anymore.
i wasn't the felix who loved changbin.
i was a new me. a new me who didn't, who couldn't love changbin.
that's just the way i was.
changbin didn't, couldn't understand.
but it's funny, isn't it?
he was the one that ended up convincing me to get the surgery.
it's funny, really.
he was the one that made me stop loving him.
i find it funny, seriously.
i wasn't affected one bit, in the end.
not when i got the surgery.
not when he started falling.
not when he started growing roses.
not when he refused to get the surgery, in hopes of my feelings returning.
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march 25th 2018.
just three months after my surgery, changbin, unfortunately refusing to recieve any medical help, lost his life to love.
seo changbin.
no one would've expected me, a simple australian boy reaching for my dreams, to get a boy fall in love so easily, let alone him.
it's a little funny, even, looking back at how he's always felt the same way, but chose to not acknowledge how fast he was falling, the truth that nobody had taken the time to see.
changbin was in love.
he was in love with me, lee felix.
i'm so sorry changbin.
i'm so sorry you had to go through the pain of loving me.
but it was beautiful. ------------------------------- genie's wish. to thank you all for reading my short changlix story. love for you all!
