Desperate Witness of a Risen Dead

CHAPTER XIII

After some miles into the dark woods I've stopped to rest,

I was laying on the ground,

Exhausted of the curse I was bringing.

"Whatever"

"You're the worst!"

"Just change yourself!"

"Don't reply!"

Those words were echoing without a stop in my head,

There was no rest, no hideout

Only a coward would hide in a hideout

I preferred to be hurt to change.

I was desperate, on those days I thought

"If only God could help me,

But I don't deserve his help,

I've left him for once already,

God is not a credit card,

You need a reason to believe in Him"

I was agnostic, I had no idea about if God actually existed or not,

I had lots of doubts,

I didn't know what was right or wrong,

I didn't know whether God existed or not...

My whole life was a doubt,

Uncertainty was my sister.

On that day, in my uncertainty, I decided to pray,

Whether there is a God or not,

Please, someone listen to me:

And I said the words of the Pater Noster

Thinking in my heart

"Oh Lord,

You know I am a sinner

And that I have left you in the past.

I'm not a faithful believer,

As you know, faith has never been a word someone can rely on with me.

I came not just to ask you something for me,

But to ask you something for her mostly

Please, someone help me,

Someone help me find the way,

Find the way of justice,

Someone help me find reason again.

Please, someone help her,

Someone help her who is suffering pain too,

Please, someone take her heart pieces and paste them together again,

Please, take me to hell and burn me there if this is necessary for her to be helped.

I don't care about myself, I just care of her.

Let me be a spirit,

A spirit besides her,

Free from my body in my prayer,

Let me fly like a lightning 9000 km far away

Let me overwhelm her being,

Let me protect her when she is a school, stressed and having to do a hard work,