Desperate Witness of a Risen Dead

CHAPTER XXI

School started, I wondered how could I go on with such a pain when I even have to face the hardest school year in my life? And most of all what do I do it all for? For me? I don’t care about me, killing myself is probably the best thing I could do, why should I waste my energies in learning something for myself that others will probably never know as good as I learnt it?
I was exhausted.
I was still walking in the vast plains of ashes,
mist was covering everything,
Eternal night was starless and covered by black clouds
That only the Phoenix of Love could shine on to let you notice their presence,
I was there and there was a sword
A thousand swords in the ground
And a million graves
All those who fought there and died in their hopes.
In the middle there was a warrior,
A ruined warrior, very big,
Probably two meters and half tall.
He held a sword
And was made of rusty armours
His eyes were hidden behind the elm
Shining with fright and inhuman indifference.
Its name was mother nature.
I took my sword and fought against her for many, many days
And many weeks,
But every blow,
Every slash I gave
He knew what I was going to do,
Blocked me and hitted me on the back.
It went on for so long,
He was making me a beast,
I was roaring like a beast who even if it’s lifeless keeps fighting.
I was like an undead.
But it was no use,
I could see no light anymore inside that mist,
I couldn’t see the light of love anymore
And the flame of hope was dim and almost fading.
From that knight’s armours a sense and immense black cloud,
Made of a black no human ever saw, because nothing can be more black than that,
An immense black cloud covered everything
Even my sight
Even my arms
And my legs
Into iron rusty chains
That were tightening me harder and harder.
The monster was staring at me,
The chains were pressing harder,
A bone broke.
The thunder-like eyes penetrated your soul
The chains even tighter,
A rib snapped.
That look of darkness drew you to the deepest oblivion of darkness,
The rusty chains scratching your skin,
My bones river.
He left me, in the darkness,
I fell, I was dead,
I used to believe hope is frail, but hard to kill,
But my hope was on point of death.
I must say this warrior is so strong,
So strong,
The flame of love in me is still burning,
But I’m so tired of fighting,
They sucked out all my blood,
The demons,
Mother nature,
They won,
They don’t want me to have revenge on them
For the demon they put inside me to hurt my love and all the people I love,
My friends I argued with,
All the suffering I’ve inflicted in my life,
I can’t accept I am the cause of suffering,
It might not be my fault,
But still I can’t accept that it happened,
That I hurted.
I am a loser.
I realized all those demons were just part of myself,
I read emotions are not something external,
But something that belongs to us …