The Beatles Short Stories

Baby You Can't Drive My Car

   "Hey, mates! What brings you here?"
   "Well, Paul, we just wanted to pay you a visit. Is that alright?"
   "Of course! You know how much I love your company!"
   "Great! That's what we thought."
   "Alright."
   John, George, and Ringo had decided to pay Paul a visit. It was a Saturday morning and the three were bored, so heading to Paul's house was the obvious answer.
   "Wow, Paul! I didn't know you had bought an Aston Martin!" Ringo exclaimed as he examined the silver car's sleek, shiny features. "It's so nice, however did you afford it?"
   "Thanks, I absolutely love it! And I played a few gigs here and there to cover it. After years of saving, mind you," he replied with much sarcasm intended.
   "Right, I didn't think of the gigs. That make so much sense," the drummer answered while smirking.
   "Ahh, Ringo, always good for a laugh," John said as he patted Ringo's back.
   "Thank you?"
   "Don't mention it, considering it wasn't really a complement."
   "Ouch! That had to sting!" George cut in with a laugh.
   "Alright, get off of his back!" Paul interrupted. "What would you three like to do?"
   "Well, I thought we could cut our hair, buy a yacht, and sail to Nairobi," John insisted casually.
   "Right..." Paul said as he gave John a weirded out glance. "George or Ringo?"
   "How about we play Baseball!" George suggested.
   "What are we? Blimey Americans?" John bellowed.
   "I think that's a wonderful idea, Geo," Paul cut in quickly.
   "Great! I'll go get the gloves and bats!" the lead guitarist exclaimed.
   "You do that," John moaned.
   A little while later, George had recovered the Baseball gear and they had taken their places. Ringo was pitching and George was batting.
   "You ready, Geo?" he called before throwing.
   "Ready when you are!"
   "Okay, ready, and here it goes!" the drummer yelled as he gave the ball a good toss.
   George eyed it as the ball inched closer and closer until...Whack! He had hit it!
   "I've got it!" Paul yelled from the outfield, or what they were calling the outfield.
   The bassist looked straight up as he prepared to catch the flying Baseball. It began to fall and he estimated where it was going to land. He raised his glove and prepared for impact, but the anticipated impact never came. What did come was a "Thud" to his right.
   "Paul! You missed it you blind bugger!" John cried.
   "Hey, I'm not the one that's legally blind! That's you, John! So, how about you shut up!" he defended.
   "Oh, well, whatever!" Lennon said as he threw his arms up in defeat.
   "I'll be back in a second, I need something to drink!" Paul said in his diva tone.
   "Okay, Princess Paulie. You get your drink," John mocked.
   "I will, thank you very much!"
   And with that, he slammed the door and disappeared inside.
   "Touchy, touchy," Ringo reflected. "Anyways, John, it's your turn to bat!"
   "Ohh, goody! I'm gonna send it soaring!" he said in the tone of a child in primary school.
   "Ready, and here it goes!" Ringo said as he threw the ball to John.
   John focused and, without difficulty, gave it a good whack. The ball flew through the air as the three just watched in awe. It sailed and sailed until it started to fall...right in the direction of Paul's Aston Martin. John, George, and Ringo's jaws dropped to the ground as the hard Baseball crashed straight through the window of McCartney's precious car with a stomach churning crack.
   "Oh my gosh, John!" Ringo gasped. "Do you know how mad Paul is going to be?" he said as they ran towards the luxurious automobile.
   "I know, I know! We'll just have to fix it before..." but just before John could finish, what he feared most called him.
   "You three enjoying my car? It's quite beautiful I know," Paul said as he jogged over to the trio.
   "Hide it!" John hissed as they formed a human shield.
   "Have you noticed how shiny the paint and windows are? They're my favorite part. Why are standing like that?" Paul said after realizing the shield that was being made.
   "Oh, no reason. We just love each other!" George explained nervously.
   "Well, I know that's not true! What are you three hiding?"
   "Nothing!" they all yelled in unison.
   "Right, move so I can see since you're not gonna tell me," he said as he attempted to push through them.
   "No, Paul! You can't see!" John protested.
   "It's my car by gum! Let me through!"
   And that's when it happened. Paul was able to push through the shield and what he found, like everyone guessed, caused him to almost have a heart attack.
   "YOU BROKE THE WINDOW! JOHN! YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE DIDN'T YOU? I SHOULD HAVE KNOW BETTER! YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY!" he screamed as he got into John's face.
   "Macca, calm down! It was an accident!" John defended.
   "NO IT WASN'T! I KNOW YOU..." but, for some reason, the bassist stopped as his eyes closed and body went limp.
   "Paul! What's happening?!" John cried.
   "Don't worry, John. I just pressed on his neck. That will make a person pass out, but it's really quite harmless," Ringo answered. (Still, don't try it please!)
   "Of course you'd know that," John sighed in relief.
   "Look, I'll take him inside and make sure he doesn't wake up. You two try and fix that window," the drummer said as he picked Paul up by the underarms.
   "Okay, but we've got to hurry!" George exclaimed.
   "Right, let's think," John said as Ringo and Paul disappeared into the home.
   "How about we put cellophane across it. He'd never know the difference!" George offered.
   "Um, Geo, he would eventually."
   "You're right. How about we go through the phonebook and see who fixes windows. We can't miss then."
   "Great idea."
   And so, the duo grabbed the thicker than necessary phonebook and began to flip through its selection of window repairmen. They came across quite a handful and, of course they started to call. First on their list was a Mr. Wilson, but he didn't answer. Next up was a Mr. Heath, but he didn't answer either. Finally, they called a Mr. Mustard, but they soon found that he was a mean old man and decided not to hire him. Eventually, after many attempts, they hired a Mr. Kite who said he would arrive quickly and without a sound. They hung up and sighed in exhaustion.
   "Who knew finding someone to fix a window would be so difficult!" George said.
   "I know right? I wonder how Ringo's getting along with Paul," replied John.
   "Hopefully alright. Let's go check."
   "Okay."
   They walked into the living room, for they had been in the office space, to find Paul sprawled out on the couch while Ringo sat contentedly in the rocking chair reading "War and Peace."
   "How's it going, Rings?" George asked.
   "Fine, fine. How about you two?"
   "Well, Mr. Kite is on his way to fix the window, so we're doing pretty well. How much longer do you think he'll be asleep?" John said as he gestured towards the motionless bassist.
   "Oh, as long as we need him to be...whaha!" Ringo cackled wickedly while rubbing his hands together.
   "Okay..." George answered slowly as he looked at John as if to say, "Help me!"
   John took the hint and said:
   "I think we'll go outside now and wait on Mr. Kite. You just keep doing what you're doing," he said as the duo inched closer to the door.
   "Alright, mates! Have a super sparkly time!" the drummer replied with so much cheerfulness it creeped John and George out.
   "You too!" John said as he turned towards George and whispered, "Let's get outta here! He's gone completely mad!"
   "Right behind you!" George answered.
   The two went outside and stood by the Aston Martin, waiting for this Mr. Kite fellow. After about ten minutes, a colorful van pulled up. On the side, the van had the words "Being for the benefit of Mr. Kite, please call 1-800-999-994. Opened ten to six, don't be late!"
   "What a peculiar looking van," George whispered.
   "I don't know, I kinda like it," John replied.
   Just then, a muscular man with thin legs hopped out of the seemingly odd van. He advanced towards the two and George already began to feel uncomfortable. John, though, seemed highly intrigued by him.
   "Hello, lads! You called me about a broken window, is that right?" he asked in a gruff, yet gentle, voice.
   "Yes, sir! This car window needs a bit of fixing. And might I say, that is a very interesting van!" said John.
   "Why thank you! I used to be in the circus and I used this van to promote my act. I'm glad you like it. Now, you say this window needs to be fixed," he said as he walked towards the expensive automobile.
   "Yes, sir. How long do you think it will take?" George asked.
   "Oh, not a long, long, long time. It should be no more than fifteen minutes. Is that alright?"
   "That's perfect."
   "Alright then, I'll start fixing the hole."
   "Thank you."
   Fifteen minutes came and went and, true to his word, Mr. Kite had the window fixed. Paul's beautiful car had been saved and John and George were quite relieved, to say the least.
   "Thanks such a lot, Sir!" George exclaimed. "How much do we owe you?"
   "I'd say about £18.43."
   "Alright then, here you are," John said kindly. "Thank you again, you really saved our skin!"
   "No problem. Goodbye!" Kite said as he climbed back into his van.
   He started the engine and drove off yelling "Goodbye!" as he left.
   "Goodbye!" the duo yelled back in unison.
   Just as they turned around to go inside, someone busted through the front door. It was Ringo.
   "Mates! Paul's awake have you gotten the window fixed?"
   "Yes, does he even remember it was broken?" John asked.
   "No, he just thinks he was taking a kip and we showed up."
   "Good," George replied as Paul came outside.
   "Hey, everyone! I feel so great right now! That kip really rejuvenated me! Let's play some ball or something!" he said cheerfully while picking up the ball and bat.
   "NO!" the other three screamed.
   "Aww, come on, I'm not that bad! Watch this!" he said as he threw the ball up and hit it. "Watch it soar!"
   And soar it did. It flew at the speed of a rocket in a perfectly straight line towards none other than the Aston Martin. The Fab Four stood in awe with their mouths agape as the Baseball flew right through the brand new window, shattering it with an ear splitting noise. After the damage was done, there was silence until Paul fell to his knees and shouted:
   "Nooooooo!!! My baby!!!!!"
   He then broke down and cried. John and George just looked at each other and nodded.
   "I'll call Mr. Kite," said George.
   "Good idea," John responded with a smile.
  

I hope you enjoyed my weird little story! I had fun putting in lots of Beatle references. Can you find them all? Thanks for everyone who's voted or commented. I absolutely love knowing that people are actually reading my ridiculous stories! Hahaha! Until next time!