The Grand Adventures Of Mike Patton

5 - Waratorium

"I TOLD YOU, IF YOU PLAYED TRASH, I WAS KICKING YOU OUT!"

Mike screamed as the two men in the back flew out the window. It was quiet as Les was trying to process was he'd just missed. "Mike, what the hell just happened?" Mike looked back to Les. "They failed the vibe check." That was all he said and it was quiet for another 30 minutes or so. Until Mike swerved again. "FOR GOD'S SAKE, YOU SILLY PUTTY MASHING DICKBRAIN, CAN YOU DRIVE NORMALLY?" Les went sicko mode on Mike. "Did you not see that thing, that thing in the road? It was crouched on all fours like some sort of dog, it looked like it had human hair!!" Les wasn't buying it. "Look, you're gonna kill us one day if you keep pulling this shit. I'll go out to see whatever you're talking about." 

The driver was left alone in the car as the radio turned to static. He looked in the mirror to see Les walking back with something cradled in his arms. "You cocksucker, this isn't some sort of demon dog you'd see on a Slayer album cover, it's just a hippie!" Les threw the dude in the back. Again, hours passed and the road trip was silent. "Yo what the hell? Where's Lars? Did that dick leave me in the road again?" Les and Mike looked at each other and turned to look in the back of the car. "Who the heck are you?" The man, not a monster, in the back of the car wailed. "What the FACK I THOUGHT YOU WERE A CRYPTID!" Mike screamed. "No! I'm Kirk Hammett!" Les looked back and squinted at the guy.

"I went to high school with you! You were the weird druggie kid!" Les pointed excitedly. "Aw man, Les? The bassist dude? What's up!" Kirk clapped happily. "SHUTDAFOCKUP" Mike yelled at the two stoners. "Damn dude, chill. We're just, like, vibin'." Kirk retreated. Mike turned up the radio to block out their talking but also to cover up a fart. The party cruised until the sun rose.