Back to Hawkins || ➵ Byler

Chapter 16 ➵ How I found out I like boys

Will's Pov:

It's been a day since Mike found out that I like boys...

So far, it hasn't been too bad...

Mike hasn't told anybody. But it isn't Mike who I am worried about. I'm still worried about Eleven.

Her going around, carrying that kind of information?

That's like giving a infant a remote controller and expecting them not to change the channel.

The buttons represent the people.. in this situation..

You can finish the puzzle,

Anyways, Im on my way to the Library. I guess I just needed some time to think. About everything.

I haven't read a good book in awhile, so maybe that's a good start at understanding and thinking about what's going on here.

What I mean is, how do I tell my Mom (and maybe Jonathan) that I'm gay, but also tell El she can't tell anybody?

~

The Hawkins Library isn't very busy, especially during winter break. It's surprising, actually.

Most days it's packed full of kids coming home from school or work, just turning in their books for school. The constant beeps from their library cards, the quietly loud hallways..

now it feels sad and lonely.

It's almost like people completely forget about their lives outside of their Atari. They would much rather stick their faces into a pixelated screen then do something 10x more fun.

"Hey Will." The Librarian calls. "Looking for anything specific?"

"No thanks. I'm just going to the normal." I give her a small smile before walking towards the Fantasy section. The BEST section in the entire place.

I have always been into Fantasy. Whether it be my drawings, to the stories I read by myself in the library.

I used to like drawing wizards, dragons, other mythical creatures, weird crap that just came to my mind.

I mean, I still do draw those things, just not as much.

I honestly haven't drawn much since I started feeling like there was something, different about me...

I was 12 when I first started figuring it out.

When I was 12, I started noticing that I hadn't had any crushes on any girls, and I never thought of being with one.

I didnt have any friends who were girls, besides Max, but she started dating Lucas soon after she moved to Hawkins and pretty much all of the girls at my school the were mean.

So I just told myself it was because I "never found the right girl."

I believe I first started figuring out that I like boys was when El came into the picture.

How Mike's first words to me after being lost was about a girl he had just met... how, "awesome" she was...

I got extremely jealous of El without even knowing her.

Whenever the group would have a sleepover at Mike's house, sometimes him and I would stay up and talk about stuff going on in our lives, but he constantly talked about how he missed Eleven.

Eleven this, Eleven that, it was all about Eleven.

It eventually ended up screwing with my head and emotions, I started going to sleep before everyone else so I wouldn't have to listen to Mike constantly blabbering about this random mute girl he knew for a week.

,

A few months after I was found, Mike told me that he started calling El every night before he went to sleep- just in case she was still out there.

At first, I thought it was a joke, but he was dead serious. Day after day after day, he would call for her.

It made me so sad... and angry.

My best friend, my first boy crush, was obsessing over a deceased magic girl.

I noticed that I started feeling more and more jealous over this girl that Mike had only known for a few days. Until I started getting my episodes.

Then it was like Mike completely forgot about her.

Maybe he stopped talking about her only in front of me, but I liked that better than hearing it 24/7.

It felt like I had my Mike back again.

Then I got possessed...

I got to see Mike more. He even put his hand on top of mine. —That was when It clicked.

I thought, "Shit. I like Mike Wheeler."

It felt so right and wrong at the same time. I felt like a bunch of weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

The warmth of his hand sent shivers up and down my spine, that traveled into the rest of my body.

Mike was holding my hand! Not Dustin's, not Lucas's, Max's, or Eleven's, mine.

I tried my hardest not to freak out and do anything gay. So I just sat there. In silence..

Until he eventually "had to go to the bathroom".

Which I know was a lie. I followed closely after him. He went into the bathroom and talked to himself.

I couldn't exactly make out what he said, but it was along the lines of, "why would you hold his hand? It probably freaked him out more." And other self deprecating insults.

I felt bad, I really wanted to go inside and tell him that everything is okay, but that would inform him that I was listening, and I really didn't want to embarrass myself, even more than I already had.

I was all sweaty and my hands were clammy, and they were shaking as if they were having their own mini seizures.

So I decided against and went back to my room and laid down.

I got as comfortable as I could get underneath all of my covers, and sighed into my pillow.

"Someday, I'll be able to live alone and happily. With none of this shit going on." I thought to myself.

A few minutes later, I heard Mike's footsteps in my room.

"Hey Will, are you sleeping?"

I stayed silent and tried keeping my breathing even so he wouldn't notice.

"Maybe if I pretend to be sleeping, I won't have to talk to him about him holding my hand."

I liked that idea, so I pretended to sleep.

"Will?" he repeated.

I heard his voice get louder, which meant he was no longer in my doorway, and was in fact, inching towards my bed.

A few moments later, I heard my door shutting, and then a body dipping into mattress next to me.

"You probably won't mind..." Mike whispered.

At that point, my heart was pounding rapidly. I needed to say something, or do something.

But I couldn't. Why?

Because I was too scared.

So I let Mike lay down next to me, put his hand on my arm, and fall asleep.