Too Embarrassed

10 Hour Shakedown: Hour 4-5

Detective James left Roslyn's handcuffs in the front and led her to the police car. He assisted her into the car, placing his hand on her head as she bent down to sit in the backseat. Roslyn felt that touch slightly comforting. No one has touched her in a long time. She really didn't know the last time anyone hugged her. She thought about that last time she drove out to visit her Mom, that must of been the last time someone hugged her. It wasn't that her Mom lived far, it was about 45 min, with traffic. It was Roslyn, not wanting to face her family after she and her sister Rachel became estranged. Roslyn didn't visit home much anymore since Rachel moved back in with her Mom. She had to coordinate with her Mom when Rachel was gone. It wasn't a surprise she came back from California. Roslyn knew California wouldn't last long. Too expensive and no one she knew that she can manipulate there. Rachel was pretty good at meeting new people, she just wasn't good at sustaining any type of relationship. 

"Honey, I don't know why you and Rachel can't just talk it out" said Roslyn's Mother. 

"Mom, I am not going to explain myself anymore. It is sick that you even say anything like that to me. If this was sexual abuse, you would NEVER make me talk to her again. Emotional abuse is abuse, period. I won't have it. You can have whatever relationship you want with Rachel, but I want NO RELATIONSHIP with Rachel. She tortured me for almost my entire life. She was literally my only bully in school. Then she taught me to bully myself, which is psycho shit, Mom. Just done with it." Roslyn almost threw herself into the car. "Please don't leave honey, please don't. Just sit" Her mom pleaded. Roslyn did stop and sat on the couch in her Mother's living room. With her hands in her head she said "I am done explaining, there is nothing to explain anymore."

For some reason in the back of the police car on the way to Macomb she flashbacked to that one day she knew something was wrong with her and Ben and she didn't listen to herself. He didn't answer the phone so she went over there to find him sleeping on the couch and when she knocked on the doorwall he let her in. He layed back on the couch like she wasn't even there. She begged him to tell her what was wrong and he said, annoyed, "nothing" and then rolled over on his stomach. She laid over him in desperation and cried. She said, "last time I dated  someone and they treated me like this, it was over within months." 

Ben let out a frustrated sigh and said "Nothing's wrong". She believed him. Months later it was over, just like she had thought. 

She sat in the back of the car and sobbed, beginning to shake, thinking of that hurtful day. She was sure they assumed she was crying for other reasons, like maybe going to prison for the rest of her life, but she was crying because she felt so stupid for letting it happen again. Letting someone manipulate her feelings. She was mostly upset that she purposely avoided all the signs to protect herself. Once Rachel did a number on Roslyn, it was very easy for Roslyn to be victimized by another narcissist. After her sister, Rachel, it was Joe, then John, then Vince, then like 5 other men she should have never slept with. Ben came after she thought she had healed. She thought she was good to go, then that day when she laid over him, like a desperate child, hoping for love, she knew it happened again. She felt so embarrassed that she laid over him and cried like that. How embarrassing.

"Alright, let's get a move on" said the officer from the passenger seat, leading Roslyn to get out of the car while holding her right arm.  Roslyn realized she hadn't even paid attention to the officers in the car. She was surprised to notice it was Detective Shackett that actually drove. Roslyn didn't notice it was a Wayne County car that brought her there until she got out. Detective Shackett walked around the front of the car to meet the officer holding Roslyn's arm and Roslyn turned her head to watch the motion. Confused, standing on the sidewalk, Roslyn looked at Detective Shackett and began to open her mouth to ask why but Shackett beat her to it and said "No way that bitch is taking my case."