Aka-no-Joo

Chapter 20

I square my shoulders and stare at the tombstone in front of me. Reading it twice before and now a third time. Seeing my brother's name etched on the smooth marble stone was something I thought I wasn't quite ready for. It's been hard, to be honest, after months of working and trying to move on from the pain. I haven't eaten the same food I used to eat, I avoid the places we used to go when we were children. Our favorite parks. Our favorite stores. The batting ram in Yongen Jaya, the Diner in Shibuya, or even the ramen place in Ikebukuro. Everything reminded me of him. Every memory. Every argument.  Every reward.

"It's pretty cold here." Izumo was standing next to me.He must be taking a break from helping others with JUNGLE. "But it's a good thing he's not feeling any of this. He would've bitched about it." 

"Yeah..." Was all I could pretty much say.

Izumo lights his cigarette and takes a long draw, before letting the smoke flow from his nostrils and mouth. I turn my head away and look to the tombstones next to his: My parents. They buried him next to my parents. My eyes are starting to water at the thought of them joining together and not having to worry about pain or suffering. I clenched the sleeves of my black jacket, just to force myself to suck it in. Izumo put his hand on my back. 

"He knew about Fushimi before Yata and  I could even say anything to him." He explains.  I turn my head to Izumo, who was grinning to himself. "Did you think someone wasn't watching the way you two looked at each other when you were in conversations? I thought your instincts were better than this?"

I looked away from him. I wasn't paying attention whenever I would talk to Saru back then. While Misaki was kissing up to Mikoto, I was just...lonely. So lonely that anyone willing to look at me was just fine enough for me. But who knew that the person I'd locked eyes with would be the same person I enjoy looking at every single morning and evening?

"You look like him, ya know?" Our eyes meet. "When you wear your jacket. It's like I'm looking at a clone of him."

"I'm not as tall as him," I admitted. "Nor am I as lazy as he was."

A snicker escapes his lips. "That...maybe true, but you do have that temper of yours."

"Did he always feel trapped?" I ask. "When I first saw him in custody, and he laid on my lap-- He looked relieved that I was there."

"He's always had a fear that he would burn everything and everyone around him. He felt like he was a bomb just waiting to explode. But whenever you'd hold his hand, " I hold back the tears. "He could breathe."

A small grin is on my lips. "Good." My eyes drift to my dad's tombstone. "I'm glad I was of use to him, it really makes me happy to know this. And I'm glad you and Misaki stayed until the end."

Izumo puts his arm around me , rubbing my shoulders. "It's alright to feel the way you do," He says. "To feel angry and hurt. It's all apart of mourning, and that's what makes you human."

I square my shoulders and let the wind blow my hair back. "Did he accept us as a couple?"

"Mikoto wasn't as upset about Fushimi as Yata and the rest," Izumo explains. More smoke escaping his mouth. "So he wasn't upset when he learned about you and Fushimi being more than just partners. He just wants you to be happy."

"If only it were that easy.." 

We went to go get ramen before heading to the meeting later that day.  When I saw Saru, he was talking with Munakata about something, before handing him an envelope. It was odd seeing him off to work without walking with him. He even went as far as to kiss my forehead when he left.  I didn't want to turn his attention towards me, so I just took my seat by Inari, but my eyes were on Saru-- who was handed a paper and quickly stuffing it into his coat. Now I'm really curious.