When No One's Asking; When No One's Looking.

Just.

[Note:
This was written in 2019. Reading it in 2024 makes me cringe and want to unpublish it, but I'm forcing myself not to. I only corrected some spelling mistakes, thinking that was the least I could do.]

I'm writing this to let my anger out. I'm a private person, but that doesn't mean I'm shy. I have a short temper, but if you just give me a few minutes of silence, I'll calm down on my own. Don't point out how I'm being difficult-I'll figure it out myself later.

I prefer being alone with my laptop, watching my favorite movies or series. I hate it when people assume things about me based on my reactions, especially my family. They don't understand my need for privacy or alone time. They want me to be outgoing and communicative, but I think communication should only happen when I feel ready to engage.

I don't like being told to "have fun," as if I don't already know what fun is. For me, fun is being in my room, playing with my cats, or binge-watching movies. It hurts when my family defines fun for me or makes it seem like my quiet nature is a problem. They think it'll block opportunities, but I know how to be bold when needed.

I don't usually let people get close to me, bad experiences taught me that. People judge me harshly, and their judgment chipped away at my self-confidence. But over time, I started making friends with people who appreciate differences and don't judge.

Of course, I'm not perfect. I overthink and take things too seriously-people have told me that-but that's just who I am. I prefer figuring things out on my own. Life got better when I realized I didn't need to care about other people's opinions.

The hardest moments were during teacher meetings. I'd hear, "K*******a never talks; she's so quiet and shy." My parents believed that nonsense and blamed my low marks on it. But I knew what mattered and ignored them. One teacher encouraged me, and I proved myself by getting good marks. Sure, my scores dipped again later, but I excelled in social studies because I loved history.

Some people think you need to impress others to survive, but I believe it's more important to be true to yourself. It's about trying to improve yourself without causing harm to others.

It's frustrating to see how the world is changing, especially when it feels like progress is made at the expense of something good. There's so much damage happening around us, and it can feel overwhelming to think about how little we're doing to reverse it. But instead of getting caught up in frustration, I've decided to focus on what I can control.

I try to consider the consequences of my actions and aim to do better, even if it's in small ways.

I don't know how to end this, but I hope to always be kind to animals, nature, and people.