Before You Go [N.H]

1.4 - Saturday - Darts

Lucy's POV

So we gather the darts and start playing. With every shot we make, we ask the other a question. I line up in front of the board, studying my aim before I make a shot.

'Okay. I start. Let's go simple. Are you an outdoor or indoor type of person?' I ask.

'Oh, outdoors! Most definitely. I go nuts when I have to stay at home for too long. Once, a few years ago I had sinus surgery and had to stay home for a while. If it wasn't for my guitar and piano I would've lost my mind.'

'You play lots of instruments?'

'I've been playing the guitar for as long as I can remember. I started learning the piano a while ago. I can play a bit of drums and violin. But definitely not on a professional level. I just love music so much. It drives me. It would be easy to get lost and overwhelmed without music to sort of channel your feelings and emotions. Or at least guide them toward a more familiar place when you don't really get what's going on. You know?'

'Yeah, I guess on some level? I mean I never thought about it like that. I just listen to music. But yeah, I guess you're right.'

I step back, leaving the spot for him.

'My turn. Hmm, let's see. What are your passions?'

'You know? We should come up with a safeword. Something to let the other know that this topic is off-limits.'

'Okay? Why is it off-limits?'

'Because it's triggering?'

'Why is talking about your passions triggering? Passions are good! It's something you love to do.'

'Because I don't have any! I never had any! All the kids I grew up with, they all had something! Some drew, some had piano lessons, some were dancers, some were science geeks. Growing up they all knew what they want to become. But I never figured it out! I don't know who I am. I don't know...' I choke up. I haven't opened up about this for so long even though I think about it every day. But Niall... For some crazy unknown reason, he's easy to talk to.

'I'm sorry. I didn't know.' He immediately hugs me.

At that moment, I realise that I'm hugging a stranger. But not because of the unfamiliar body, or that it's weird or creepy. Quite on the contrary. It's so warm and welcoming. I rest my head on his shoulder, between how good his hair smells and the comforting pat on my back I can feel my body and mind relax, causing a few tears to slip out. I never let myself cry in public. No one needs to see that I'm not okay. They won't get it. And I can't handle hearing the question "What's wrong?" without breaking down even harder. Because I don't even know how to answer this question. Because everything is wrong. Nothing is right. But they won't understand that.

I quickly let go and get myself together again. But he doesn't let go. He keeps a hand just above my waist, and the other cupping my cheek, wiping the remainder of the tears off of it with his thumb.

'Thank you for opening up to me. I guess opening up to a stranger might be easier than someone you know? I kinda get that. And I can promise you, you can tell me anything. No judgments here. And no questions if you don't want them.'

'Thank you! You're really sweet!'

'Now which safeword should we use?'

'Avocado.' I say bluntly out of nowhere making Niall laugh loudly.

'Avocado? Why??' He asks laughing.

'Because! I don't like them! I don't like going anywhere near them.'

'I mean that's a little harsh but okay. Avocado it is!' He chuckles. 'Your turn.'

We continue playing through the night. I get to know more about his family and friends. He's from Ireland, he lives with his cousin Deo. He doesn't see his parents that often. I tell him about my friends. How I met Jamie through uni and we've been best friends ever since and Danny and Ro being Jamie's next-door neighbours and being in our age-group, we started hanging out often most of the time in this pub just a block away from their building.

After I win the game, he looks at me with an adorable look in his eyes and then asks, 'Best out of three?'

I laugh and nod. 'You can try as much as you want. The only way you'll win tonight is if I let you.'

'Darling, I'm winning already, I get to hang out with you.'

'Flattery won't get you anywhere Niall. Now shoot.'

He laughs and positions himself in front of the board. He focuses for a few seconds before making his shot and then he turns to me and asks.

'Okay, next question. Describe your last relationship in three words.'

'Hmm... three words... Naive? Short. Premature.'

'You weren't ready for a relationship?'

'We were both too young. Teenagers, who didn't know any better. We didn't want to be alone, we kinda liked each other. But I mean we just didn't fit, you know? Eventually, that got in the way and we just called it quits. We were in it for the wrong reason. But it's a really long time ago and doesn't really matter now. What about you?'

'Avocado. Works both ways right?'

'Of course. Sorry.'

'It's okay.' He clears his throat and throws me a smile. But knowing myself, I can see right through this fake smile of his. Something is hurting him. But even if he's in pain, his smile still manages to bring warmth to my heart of stone.

'Your turn.' He reminds me.

'Right. Umm... Favourite spot in the city?' I ask.

'Primrose Hill at sunrise. Spectacular.'

'I thought you weren't a morning person!' I chuckle.

'Oh, I'm not! But over the last two years, I've been having nightmares and couldn't go back to sleep. So I'd go on a drive, listening to music. One time I found myself there. It was still night time but the sun was gonna rise soon so I said why not. I lay down on the grass, stared at the sky as it grew lighter and lighter. Not thinking about anything. Just being there and watching a new day being born. Something we really take for granted you know? The beginning of a new day. We wake up, go on about our routine, not really thinking about anything. But once you see it. Not just the sunrise, but everything that goes with it, how the colour of the sky slowly changes, from a dark purply blue to a light blue with tinges of orangy-red on the horizon before the sun breaks out and shine so bright. Then the birds come out, and the people wake up, and the city comes to life. I don't know, I'm probably being silly. But I just loved that moment. It's so beautiful, it kinda gives you hope. It takes a lot for a day to start, but we don't notice it.'

'You paint a nice picture there.'

'I can take you if you want. We can watch the sunrise together.'

'Yeah maybe.'

I keep glancing back at my group of friends from time to time, just to see what they're doing, make sure they're still there. Jamie gives me a supportive and excited thumbs up which makes me laugh. I let Niall win the second round and third round, and with that, my phone number. I only did that because if I got his number I'm not sure I'd have the guts to talk to him. And I'm hoping that he will and soon.

'Thank you for hanging out with me tonight Lucy. I wasn't having the best of days, but you took my mind off of it and I appreciate it. I hope I return the favour soon.'

'You already did. We don't owe each other anything. But yeah, I did enjoy hanging out you tonight.'

'Glad to hear that. Can I text you?' He asks.

'You have my number don't you?' I chuckle.

''Yeah, I guess I do. Good night Lucy.'

'Good night Niall.'