Before You Go [N.H]

9.3 - Roadtrip - Greece

Lucy's POV

I hug Jamie tightly as soon as I see her. We haven't been seeing much of each other. But for once it's not all my fault because I'm being sucked into the world of my boyfriend. She's been shutting herself off from me. Ever since the accident. She didn't come up to visit me when I was stuck in bed. She didn't even text me. Ever since we got back to the city I've been trying to get her to come over but she kept coming up with excuses. And then I got overrun with work. And then I went to Paris. And then she left the city for a while. But now that she's back I couldn't let her get away with not seeing me. Especially that I'm travelling to a Greek island for a week with Niall, Tara and her boyfriend.

'Talk. Now.' I urge as I pull her to the couch in my living room.

'I have no idea what you're talking about.'

'Please!' I scoff, 'You've been avoiding me since the accident.'

'No, I haven't! I've been busy!'

'Cut the crap, Jamie. I know you more than you know yourself. I know when something is wrong. Now come on! Talk to me! What did I do wrong? Why are you mad at me?'

'Because! You were gonna leave me! Like she did.'

'You're sister left for another country! I got hit by a car! It's not the same thing!'

'I know! But still. You could've been... gone... And I would've been all alone!'

'You're not alone! I'm okay. I promised you I'll always be there for you! I'm not leaving you.'

'You shouldn't be making promises you can't keep. If it's not an accident, or your mental health taking you away from me. It's your boyfriend and his stupid trips.'

'Why are you being like this? You know that he's taking me to all those trips to better my mental health. To make me happier. Plus I'm only gone a week at a time. And I always come back here! Why are you being so bitter? I don't understand.'

'Ugh... It's not you I'm mad at.'

'Then who? Niall?'

'No of course not! He wants what's best for you... I'm mad at myself.'

'Why?'

'Because! I shouldn't feel that way! I'm happy for you and Niall! So happy! I shouldn't get mad whenever you're spending time with him just cause I'm so fucked up and have abandonment issues. My best friend was stuck with a leg cast for two weeks at her parents' house and I couldn't even get myself to go and visit her. I don't know why I thought you might've changed your mind and decided to stay there leaving me all alone here. All those worst scenarios play in my head. I can't do anything about it. I can't stop them. And I hate it. I don't know. I guess I wish I had a girlfriend so I didn't feel so lonely whenever you're with Niall. Even though I can't trust anyone enough to let my walls down and settle with them into a deep meaningful relationship. I hate this.'

'Jamie. Sweety. You know I love you so much. Okay? I'm not mad at you for not coming to visit me. I'm just worried about you. I understand how lonely you feel. But I promise it'll be okay. I mean you still have Ro and Danny! Why don't you hang out with them while I'm with Niall? Go to the pub! Meet some girls! Just have fun. And there's really no pressure in finding a girlfriend. But I'm sure one day, sooner or later, you'll meet someone who'll make you consider letting your walls down. And then you'll realise how much you've been missing on. I'm not saying that she'll be the one. Odds are, she won't be. But! She'll be good enough to get you to give her a chance and then you'll let yourself have all those feelings and do all those things and it will feel amazing. Even though the possibility of getting hurt is there, and is probably high, you'll realise that having feelings no matter how difficult it is to live with them, is still far better than shutting yourself off and not feeling anything at all. I learned that. And you will too. Just give yourself a chance.'